Welcome Baby Matthew!!!

I spent yesterday with my daughter and son-in-law helping to bring their 2nd son into the world. What a joyous thing to share with them. Words cannot express how proud I am of my daughter. Childbirth is not for the faint of heart. She took the contractions one at a time and worked her way through. I choke up thinking about it.

Daniel Matthew was born at 2:21 in the afternoon and is a whopping 9 lbs 1 oz and 19-1/2 inches long! When you hold him, you know you've got something in your arms. :-) Early impressions are that he's pretty easy going and he's hungry ... all the time.

I also found out that the biopsy report on all 4 growths were benign. Yay! The stitches come out tomorrow. Yay again.

We have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. And we are.

Waiting for Daniel Matthew

Our daughter is ready to delivery grandson number two any day now. Her doctor has scheduled her to be induced on Wednesday if he's unwilling to make his debut on his own. They are all ready for baby Matthew's arrival (he'll go by his middle name) and so are we. We have the grandparents' equipment ready to go -- pack & play for a crib, bouncy seat and stroller. I can't wait to see the little guy. Grandson #1 thinks he's ready to be a big brudder. I'm sure there will be adjustments as he will no longer be the ONLY center of his parents' universe. But he's such a good boy, I'm sure he'll be a good big brother. Little Matthew is a lucky baby. :-)

Week one with the stitches is over. One more week to go. I popped a couple of stitches on my calf -- the doctor warned me that calves are hard and I see that now. It's just really hard to not stress that skin. Just lying in bed, the calf spread out and tugs on the stitches. But I also squatted down a couple of times because I wasn't thinking and started to cross my legs with that leg on top -- ouch. Who knows when it popped. I went to the doctor and they said it was healing well. They gave me "sani-strips" which are wonderful. I don't know what that adhesive is, but man, I think it would hold the wings on a 747. I use the strips to reinforce the middle where the stitches popped. The other 3 are all holding together well.

Thank goodness the stitches come out before Thanksgiving. We'll have a full house and I'm really looking forward to it. Jay's mom will be here along with our daughter and her family, plus her mother-in-law who will be down for a couple of weeks to help after the baby is born. It will be crazy and I'll be exhausted, but it will be a really nice time. And we definitely have a lot to be thankful for what with the new baby and all.

Then, it's on to Christmas! Good Lord!

Mole follow-up

It's Sunday now and I'm still feeling pretty good. I changed the bandages yesterday and everything looks good -- a little Frankenstein-ish with all the stiches, but good. There is no bandage on the one in my hair, but I still put some neosporin on it.

I'm amazed (and delighted) and how much they don't bother me! In a way, it's a problem. I don't have pain to remind me that they are there so I forget and hurt them by accident. Like when I folded my arms -- or tried to -- man that hurt the one under my boob! Or when I squatted down for something, that really hurt the one on my right calf. So I just have to remember to be careful about things like that for the next couple of weeks.

The doctor said no working out until the stitches come out. That worries me. I worked so hard to loose the weight, so not working out for so long is worrisome to me.

Moles, moles and more moles

I am a farm for moles. I swear. I've had a pretty big one under by left boob for several years now. Every year, during my annual checkup, I ask about it and, every year, the doctor says it's nothing -- it's just a mole.

This year I noticed a new one in my hair at my right temple. I asked about that in the spring and the doctor said the same thing. But it's gotten really big now in just one year. I was at the doctor for a blood pressure check (we changed up my medication) so I asked about it again. She still thinks it's not a problem, but says it looks irritated -- probably because it gets brushed when I brush my hair, I'm always pushing my hair behind my ear and I wear glasses. So she suggested that I get them both removed.

So, I went to a plastic surgeon and he agreed, they needed to go. While I was there, I asked about 2 other things that aren't moles. He didn't like the look of them and said we'd lop those off too. He's pretty sure they are basal cell carcinomas. We'll find out when they are biopsied.

So, today was lopping day. I was pretty nervous. I really expected the one at my temple to hurt. Just the thought of the injection into an area where the skin is so thin, made me nervous. I just didn't see how it wouldn't hurt ... a lot. But it didn't! And I definitely expected a bald spot for a bit, but nope! He didn't shave my hair or anything! Yay!

The one on my temple did hurt a little, but very little. And a slight burning sensation when he shot the lidocaine in, but also very little. The other 3 sites were a piece of cake. I felt tugging as he cut and stitched, but that was it. I was amazed. I was so tense going in; expecting a fair amount of discomfort. But there wasn't any. I was even chatting with the doctor and his nurse while he worked! Heavy sigh of relief.

Now I'm pretty tired ... probably because I was so tense for a while. But it's been 5 hours and I'm still not feeling horrible. Actually, I'm still not really feeling anything. I guess the lidocaine is still having some effect. Because at some point, I expect it to at least smart.

So if anyone out there is reading this and facing having moles removed, you can relax. It's really an easy procedure. Honest!

Yay, Cool Fall Weather

FINALLY, we are past those horrible 95+ degree days. We have been having some fantastic, coolish days. I love it!

This past weekend, a friend who owns a farm with a couple of grass strips, had a fly-in. We went and what a fabulous day! There were easily over a dozen planes there. We all brought food so there was an enormous amount of food. Jamie's place is heaven on earth -- truly. It was a glorious day to fly and I can't remember when we've had a better aviation day.

Jay decided he's done trying to deal with the Ocean City Airport manager. He's just plain mean and we're tired of asking permission to enjoy the airport we are based at. So he's not been hanging out at the airport at all for a couple of months now. Instead, he's started working on the LeMans again! I'm so excited to see that. He has literally torn everything off of the rear end and is now starting the process of replacing what he removed. It won't be ready for the fall cruising weekend in Ocean City, but that doesn't matter. Eventually, it will be road ready again and we'll have fun driving around in it. AND, even better, because Jay isn't constantly dealing with that asshole, he has been in a much better frame of mind.

And no posting is complete without an update on my weight and general health. I am still holding at 160 lbs. I bought a few more pair of slacks for work in size 12. I was tempted to get a size 10 in one of them, but opted for the 12 instead figuring that I might not be as active in the winter months. I'll try to be, but it is more difficult when we aren't riding bikes every night after work. :-( I've actually been wearing the slacks, even though the weather is still ok for capri's, but I really like wearing my size 12's. And now that I'm wearing clothes that actually fit, people are really noticing the weight loss. :-)

Let's hear it for HGTV!

I have been an avid HGTV viewer for years and it paid off! I've been so bored with my kitchen since we moved into this house. Cream walls. Cream appliances. Cream floor. Cream counter. It's like a sensory deprivation tank. So I decided to spiff it up by doing something to the back splash.

I put tile behind the stove and the sink and then painted the rest a deep red. We liked the tile so much that we took it up and around the kitchen window too. I've been watching the folks on HGTV lay tile a million times, so I decided to give it a try. And, you know what? It IS easy. It really turned out great and my kitchen is no longer blah.

I also went shopping for clothes and, it's official, I'm a size 12! I couldn't stop smiling. I even found a couple of pair of shorts in a size 10, but I know that's not real. They were cut a little large. I am a 12 not a 10, but that's soooooo much better than an 18 or a 16 that's cut large. My only worry is that I achieved this as a result of a lot of physical activity which is easy to do in the summer. It's hard to maintain that activity level in the winter. So I need to not let my snacking bad habits return. Just because I can get away with it now, doesn't mean that I'll be able to that this winter.

Ahhhh Football Season begins

Well, last night was the first pre-season game and we decided to stay home and watch it rather than go out. We haven't gotten the pre-season games since we moved out to the eastern shore -- something that has bothered us both enormously. But every year we try and this year, lo and behold, we're able to watch the game at home! Yay!

We were very curious to watch our Redskins to see if all the changes (AGAIN) paid off THIS TIME. I know pre-season games aren't really much more than exhibitions for the coaches to pick the starting line-up, but you know, we haven't had a fun football game in a LONG time, pre-season or otherwise, and last night was fun! They were actually playing football! They were passing and catching and tackling and blocking! It was awesome! It gives me hope for the regular season. I know you don't get to the Super Bowl in one season after changing things as much as the Redskins have, but I'm hopeful that I won't be embarrassed to be a Redskins fan this year. Just don't humiliate me boys. That's all I ask. For now, I'm actually looking forward to next week's game.

I'm still sticking to my new routine and it's great. I'm feeling really good. Even my golf game has improved -- probably because my belly isn't in the way. Like I've said before. I'll never be tiny, but I'm smaller and it feels good. And my blood pressure has been awesome. My doctor had added a third medication to control it this past winter and my asthma caused us to drop one of them, but it doesn't matter now because my numbers are better than they were before on just 2 meds, so I'm good! And, my weight is still trickling down. I'm almost down to 160 lbs. I haven't gone shopping for clothes, but I might be close to a size 12 which would be wonderful. I will definitely need slacks for work this winter. I think I only have 3 pair of pants that fit right now. It's so much fun to get back into clothes that I haven't been able to get into for years. I don't even know why I kept them, but I did, and it's just plain fun to put them on. It makes me smile every time.

And, for me, it's all about exercise. No one can really loose weight with just diet. And I definitely can't. First of all, it's boring to eat the way you have to eat when you do it via food alone. But it's also about the metabolism, and the only way to rev up your metabolism is to build more muscle -- can't do that through diet alone. I am way more toned than I've been in a really long time, maybe ever, actually. As a runner, I burned a lot of calories, but running doesn't tone you. I think the exercise videos that I have that combine light weights with exercise, have been incredibly effective for me. And, as a result, I don't have to eat like I live in a refugee camp. I really do eat. My body is just using it.

Who knows. Maybe I could be a size 6 if I also ate less, but I'm not that interested in being a size 6. I just didn't want to feel like a blob -- and I don't anymore. :-)

How hot can it get?

Well, according to the thermometer at the kitchen window, it got to 110 degrees in the back yard today. Now, we get FULL sun in the back yard in the summer, so I now that that's probably not a true temperature, but it was true enough for me!

I went up to Greenwood to help Dan move Jen's HomeSweet studio to the basement. Fortunately, they also had friends who live nearby there too and the husband is young and strong. So the guys did the really heavy things before I got there. But there was still plenty of things to move down the 2 flights of stairs. It was a good workout and it felt good to help. And Eli gave me a hug when I arrived! That alone was worth the trip. :-) This was step 1 in getting ready for the new baby. Move the studio down to the basement, so they can move their bedroom back into the bigger room upstairs. Then Eli moves into the room they are vacating and the smallest room stays the nursery for the new baby.

I am surprised to find my weight still trickling down. And trickling is the right word. But it's better than going in the other direction. Last year, I longed for a metabolism that actually burns the food I eat rather than storing it. And now I think I have one!! No one would ever call how I eat a diet, but weight is still declining gradually. I read that when someone with a healthy metabolism eats, they burn the calories. A person with a sluggish metabolism would gain weight. I've been really focusing on my workouts more this year. And I don't just work out in the morning. And it's paid off. I guess the whole metabolism thing still works for us old farts too. Thank goodness something still works!

So I'm now down about 37 pounds! Amazing. Jay keeps calling me "skinny minnie" which is funny because I'm still over 160 lbs and about a size 14 ... getting closer to a 12 though! That's a far cry from skinny. But it makes me smile, so I'm sure he'll keep saying it and I'm ok with that. I've never been skinny, so I have no delusions that I will be now. I am more than happy to be thinner than I was and feeling as good as I do again. This side of the hill is no picnic, but I guess it's up to each of us as to how miserable it is. Attitude is key. I just hope I can keep mine positive even when things get tougher because I want to feel as good as possible as I continue my slide down the hill.

Long HOT Summer

I took off Friday and Monday for a long 4th of July weekend. We didn't go anywhere. We just relaxed and did fun things. It was such a pleasant weekend.

It's been brutally hot this summer. We didn't have a June. We're having 2 July's. Yuck. But we're still riding our bikes after work every day. I haven't lost any more weight, but I am still shrinking out of clothes, so I guess things are just firming up. When I say shrinking, I'm not talking 2 more sizes or anything. But I'm easily into a 14 (closing in on a 12) now and a plain old large t-shirt fits me just fine -- no more XL unless I just want a baggy fit. So I'm pretty happy. I was exploding out of my 16's, so 2 sizes is good in my book.

I'm also noticing more definition in my arms which is pretty cool. Now all this involves a lot of working out. Well, a lot for me. A real workout every morning, 5 days a week. Then every day at lunch I do a serious walk. In this heat, I'm doing an inside walk where I walk a back hall and then do a flight of stairs -- I started out doing 2 laps and then a flight of stairs. So I'm doing more stairs now ... like 12 flights of stairs! And then our bike rides after work. So, at 58, I think I'm getting a lot of exercise. And it seems to take all of that to replace my old jogging routine. I wish I could still jog, but I can't. My knees (especially my right knee), say no.

So, all in all, not bad for an old broad sliding down the back side of the hill.

Happy Fathers' Day

It was a pretty good weekend. We had dinner at our favorite place Friday night -- Adolfo's in Ocean City. We love that place.

Jay flew on Saturday. I went to the Bass outlet to spend the gift certificate that my mother-in-law gave me for my birthday. It's been quite a while since I just went shopping for myself. It was fun and it was even more fun because I was buying smaller sizes. Not a tiny size, but smaller than I was. I'm happy.

I called Jay and met him for lunch and then we visited with friends at the airport for a bit. Then we headed home to get ready to head up to Greenwood for our grandson's birthday. It was a pleasant gathering and Eli was certainly having fun. He was more than a little aware that he was the star. :-)

Today is Fathers' Day. We started the day with a light rain (which we need DESPERATELY). I told Jay that I gave him rain for Father's Day. :-) I did make him bacon and eggs for breakfast ... of course, I had some too. Having a nice breakfast together is always a nice way to start the day. Then he headed to the airport and I did my usual chores. Plus I made an amazing (no kidding) dinner. I made fresh bread in the bread maker -- I just used it to make the dough while I did chores. Then I shaped the loaves into baguettes and baked them in the oven. They turned our yummy. And I made his favorite ... chicken cutlets. I also make baked plum tomatoes -- those things are the bomb. Add a little salad and you have a kick ass dinner, if I do say so myself.

So Jay had a nice Father's Day. Jen called this evening when she finally had time. He was thinking she forgot, but she didn't. A good weekend. It's a shame that tomorrow is Monday, but oh well. Gotta make the donuts.

Happy Birthday To Me

So, last Friday I was turning 59. I really have no desire to "celebrate" my birthday anymore. I'm not loving how I look anymore or all the changes that are going on in and on my body. But here I am, so deal with it.

When I got to my desk on Friday, there was a little vase with some hydrangea cuttings on my desk with a cute/funny card. What a nice treat! Then there are a few of us who go to the cafeteria at the hospital for coffee every morning. Different ones of us make it each day depending on what's going on. But on Friday, EVERYONE seemed to be able to come to breakfast. And one of the girls stopped at Panera's a picked up a coffee cake. mmmmm. Another nice treat!

Then I got an e-card from my daughter. It was pretty funny. But the card mentioned that I was 58. But I'm 59, right? Nope. Do the math. I'm 58! Somehow, I lost track of my own age (probably not a good sign), but I actually ended up being a year younger! I'm 58, not 59!

Then Jay took me out for dinner at one of our favorite places ... Adolfo's in Ocean City. Yum. It ended up being a really nice birthday. We babysat our grandson Saturday night and Sunday. There was a big air show in Ocean City, so we took Eli on Saturday. We watched it from the beach in front of our condo with some friends and Jay's mom. It was perfect!

Today, our daughter, Jen, and her husband came to pick up Eli. We watch the 2nd day of air show and visited. She brought me my birthday present which was a fat quarter of her hand, block printed fabric (http://www.homesweet.com/). I had wanted some of her fabric to match some pillows that I got from her last year. So she gave it to me for my birthday! Lovely. I LOVE her stuff.

Tonight, Jay took me and his mom to Captains Galley so I could get one of the best crab cakes on the planet. And we even got dessert ... so bad, but so good. All-in-all, one of the best birthday weekends ever. A little family. Good things. And I'm a year younger! It just doesn't get any better than that!

A good day

Today my mother-in-law and I went up to Lewes to see Jen at a craft show held by the group "Delaware By Hand". It was a bigger show/fair than we expected -- Jen too. She said that she did fairly well. Yay. I really do love her work. And we enjoyed the craft show. So many clever and beautiful things.

My ex/her dad stopped by. It's so hard to see how old he looks. I know it's because he has never been a terribly healthy person and hasn't taken very good care of himself. But Jen and Dan both said that it had been a good visit so far, which is good. The kids also explained the logistical issues of going to DC for Memorial Day and he hadn't realized how far it really was. Plus, I don't even know how he could walk from a metro stop to the Vietnam memorial and they'd never be able to drive down town -- rolling thunder will be rolling in addition to all the other tourists. It would be insane and they helped Brad realize that. So they'll find fun things to do locally.

Jo and I hit a couple of new junk stores on our way back home. The consignment store in Millsboro was awesome! We will definitely be going back there. I even told Jen about it because I think she and Dan would love it. :-)

And, because no report would be complete without a health issue of some sort ... I was also feeling a little crampy today and I did a little spotting again. Crap. This time it was bright red, so I'm wondering if it was a delayed reaction to the biopsy on Monday. I'll make note of the date so I can tell the doctor if I experience more. There won't be another biopsy though. They can just schedule the D&C if it comes to that.

Whew

I got the results from the biopsy and it was clean! No further treatment AND no more biopsies. And the mamogram was negative, so everything is ok.

Of course, I can't be happy with that. I have to cause drama SOMEPLACE. My ex-husband is coming to visit my daughter this weekend which is no big deal. But he wants to go into DC on Memorial Weekend and visit the Vietnam Memorial. Jen and Dan said they didn't want to go because of the traffic, etc. But Brad is insisting. He makes me mad when he's being selfish -- which is all the time.

1. It's a 3 hour drive to DC on a good day. That's 6 hours in a car seat for my grandson. And that's if they're lucky. I'm sure it will be longer on Memorial weekend.

2. They will be standing in long lines to look at a wall. A 4 year old will be bored and won't understand the idea of a Memorial. He will be bored and fussy.

3. It's a lot of walking in the sun and standing around in crowds and Jen is pregnant.

4. They don't want to go, Jen knows that Dan doesn't want to go. She feels caught in the middle which is stressful and doesn't need the stress ... she's pregnant.

I understand that he wants to go and he wants to share it with Jen, but he's being selfish. He asked and they said no thank you. It annoys me that he continues to put Jen in this position. She would gladly go with him another time ... just not Memorial weekend. He has no idea what DC is like on a holiday like this. He hasn't been in the area, except for short visits, for over 20 years!

Since I can't do anything about Brad, I attempted to fortify Jen. I sent a pretty harsh email telling her that her dad has always been babied and he's selfish and she needs to not carry on the tradition of catering. I wanted her to be able stand up for what she wants. But I think I overdid it. :-(

I really do think that it would help them have a more honest relationship with her dad and I have to think that's a good thing. But that's not for me to say anymore. She's not 8. She's a grown woman with a 4 year old and another on the way. So I should shut up. But she's still my little girl inside and it kills me to see her getting twisted in a knot. She doesn't deserve it. She's been nothing but a good daughter. But I have to shut up now. All I can do is hope that the visit goes well and she doesn't have to go into DC.

Now what?!

A couple of weeks ago my boobs were really sore. I really thought that, if I didn't know any better, I was about to start my period. EXCEPT that I haven't had a period since the beginning of 2006! Lo and behold, last weekend I spotted for about 3 days. Ugh.

So I contacted my GYN and asked her if I should be concerned. She said not yet, but I should have it checked. She wanted to do an endometrial biopsy. I have had an IUD, so I figured it wouldn't be any worse than that. WRONG! Yowza! I can't even describe the feeling. It's not pain like stepping on a nail or cutting yourself, but damn, that hurt. I know I was doing a lot of heavy breathing. I think I hyperventilated almost to the point of fainting because my fingers were cold and tingling like crazy. I finally asked her to stop and she did. She put a cold compress on my head and left me to lie down for 10 or 15 minutes which I very much needed.

The good news is, because there are relatively few nerves in the uterus (though I'm pretty sure she found them all), or whatever, as soon as she stopped, the pain/uncomfortableness stopped. And there wasn't any lingering discomfort or pain. I just felt weak from almost passing out. We even rode our bikes after work like we always do.

So now I wait to find out if I have plain old hyperplasia or nasty dysplasia and the course of treatment that will ensure that I never have to have another endometrial biopsy.

I swear, it's 2 steps forward and 1 step back. I've lost weight. Improved numbers in my blood work. Am feeling better and more fit. I just have this uterus issue to sort out. At least, for now, I'm still ahead overall. Eventually it will be 1 step forward and 2 steps back. :-( So I guess it's not that bad yet.

Hunger pangs just won't quit

Lately I've been experiencing hunger pangs like when I started. I just feel hungry all the time. What's the deal with that? I hope it subsides again. A few more pounds have trickled off, so I've lost 30 pounds. As long as it's not going up, I'm happy.

We had a few days of rain, so Jay and I couldn't ride our bikes after work. I didn't want to miss my evening "workout", so I dusted off my old Winsor Pilates DVD and gave it a whirl. It was awesome! All the moves that I have been struggling with for a long time were a cinch! Rollover -- feet on floor over my head? No problem! Jack knife -- feet over head, parallel to floor then lift until toes are pointed to the ceiling? Piece of cake! I felt like super woman. :-)

So I try to think about how good that made me feel and not how hungry I am. Like I said, I hope this is just a phase and it passes.

Mothers' Day

It's been a nice day. A nice weekend. Yesterday was fun activities. It was the 50th anniversary of the Ocean City airport, so we went there for the festivities. Then we went to the Berlin Jazz & Blues festival to listen to our friend Chris English play some awesome blues music. And I'm not just saying that. There was a line of folks getting his autograph and buying CD's. He's good.

Today was chores. I know. I'm not supposed to do that on Mothers' Day, but it's all stuff that has to get done. But I also did some yard work which was actually pretty pleasant. The temperature was on the cool side which is perfect for me. I was very comfortable. The yards (front and back) are actually looking pretty good. Jay has had the lawns look great for some time now. But the flower beds are starting to be pretty good too. It feels good.

And I got a lovely e-card from Jen. So it's been a good Mothers' day weekend. I am content. :-)

A good day

Tomorrow is Mother's Day, but today felt like it should have been my mother's day. It was a great day. We went to the airport this morning because it's the 50th anniversary of the Ocean City Airport. It was nice to visit with people and we always like being there.

Then today was also the Jazz & Blues Festival in Berlin. I went by myself for a while so I could go into the shops and browse while the music was playing outside. Then Jay and I went back later to listen to our friend Chris English who was playing his classic delta blues at the 3:30 set. I always love listening to Chris. It was awesome.

Then we went to Three Brothers in north Ocean City. They were having a slow day, so we were able to visit with folks that work there. It turns out, that one of the new guys, lives in our neighborhood. He's actually on the HOA board for the townhouses. He recognized Jay. We weren't sure if that was a good thing because half the folks agree with us on the evilness of HOA's and half love the damn things. Well, this guy agreed with us for the most part. He's doing what we tried to do at first ... if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. We were on one of the committees when we first moved here thinking we could make some changes for the better. We were wrong. But Mike is still trying. I hope he has better luck than we did. But it was a fun chat. He actually misses Jay speaking out. :-)

Then, on the way home Jay actually offered to stop at Roses (a local department store) so I could look for my 100th pair of flip flops. :-) I admired a woman's flip flops at the airport this morning and he remembered that. And, knowing how much I love flip flops, we stopped in on our way home. And, of course, I found a pair that I liked and got them.

So I feel like I've had mother's day already. The only odd thing is that my lip has swollen for some reason. And I've been coughing a lot today. Probably an allergy thing. Oh well. I don't know what's causing, but there's nothing I'd change about today, so I guess I'll just have to live with the fat lip.

I hope everyone has as good a Mother's Day tomorrow.

Yay! It all paid off!

I finally got the results from my blood work today and there was definite improvement. My potassium level went from 3.3 (below normal) to 3.8 (lower end of normal range). Glucose went from 102 or 89. HDL went from 23 to 36. Still low, but almost at the low end of normal. The big winner, though, was triglycerides. I went from 205 in January to 114! Get out!

So even though the weight loss isn't AS dramatic (27 lbs now), those numbers show the real benefit of making the changes that I've made this year. I'm pretty excited about it. And I am happy with the weight loss too. Thank God what I'm doing is all stuff that I can keep doing. I'm already on my maintenance plan and now I know this is good enough.

So I keep doing what I'm doing. I'm delighted that the Moringa powder has done so well for my potassium level. I don't mind having a banana every now and then, but having them every day wasn't something I thought I could maintain over the long haul. Who knows what else it helped with. It's main job for me was potassium.

As for the cough. I'm still using the inhaler twice a day. I tried cutting back and I started coughing up mucous. I'm not coughing constantly or anything. I expected that I might cough a little more, but was pretty disappointed that I started coughing up mucous again. I'm hoping that it's largely because of the time of year -- pollen is really heavy around here right now. So I'll try again in a couple of months.

So, in a little over a month, I turn 58. Ugh. But I am clearly in better shape than I've been in a while, so maybe I won't notice. OK, ok, hopefully it won't bother me as much. OK, ok, I'll think about the grandchild that is due in November and try to block out the birthday. Yea. That will work.

So has all this made a difference?

Tomorrow morning I go in to have blood drawn for a follow-up workup to blood tests that were done in January. My Triglycerides were high and my potassium levels were way low. Those blood tests were taken pretty early in the process of trying to rev up my metabolism. I've been eating better and less and working out more since then. I have lost 25 pounds and am feeling better.

Though the weight loss has tapered off, I am still enjoying the fact that my old clothes are back in use. I am disappointed that working out in the morning, a 20-30 minute brisk walk at lunch and a 50 minute bike ride with my husband after work plus the change in eating habits would have kept the weight loss going, but oh well. I guess you can only push an older metabolism so far.

I have also been taking a powder made from the moringa oleifera plant for the last few weeks. Everything I've read says that this is an excellent source of potassium. I guess this will be an interesting test of that fact.

So, I've got my fingers crossed for tomorrow.

A busy weekend

It was a busy and pleasant weekend. The first order of business was to go to my daughter's house and help her with a big project that she's working on for her home business. She's making 42 table runners for someone's wedding. They are beautiful. The customer chose a lovely combination of pattern and color. You can see the project at

http://www.homesweetbyhand.com/blog

My mother-in-law (and friend), Jo, was there too. We were in charge of turning the table runners right side out and pressing them so that Jen could do the top stitching. We got them all done and left her with a stack to finish off this week. It felt good to help and it was a really pleasant day. It was like an old fashioned quilting bee where we talked about everything all day as we worked. It was really pleasant.

Then we went to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants in Ocean City -- Adolfo's. Great food. We just ate light, but yummmmm. Their garlic bread is the bomb. And we go so often that they've become friends, and it's always good to see them.

http://www.oc-adolfos.com/

Today was my normal chores and I went to a nearby woods and dug up a load of rocks to use as borders in a new flower bed I want to get done this spring. I hate to see the weekend end. Sunday nights are always difficult because I dread the beginning of the work week. I usually take an ambien on Sunday nights to help me sleep.

The cough is doing better. So much so that I think I'm going to try to start eliminating the inhaler. I'll do it gradually. But I think it's time to start the process and see how it goes.

I'm still sticking to my new eating plan. I hadn't lost any more weight for a while, but I knocked off another pound last week. As long as I'm not gaining. I guess I'm about where I'm going to be weight-wise since the weight loss has tapered off. And that's ok. I'm back into a lot of clothes that I wasn't able to wear and I'm feeling pretty good. I think that's pretty good for 58.

Almost back to normal!

The cough has improved greatly over the past few weeks ... thank heavens! I don't think the homeopathic remedies could have done it alone any more than all the pharmaceuticals did. But the remedies definitely improved the healing process because after 6 months of miserable coughing I appear to finally be on the mend. I love homeopathy.

I'm still following my new eating routine. I seem to have plateaued on my weight loss, but I'm ok with that because I have managed to loose enough weight to get back into a lot of clothes. Yay! I was hoping for more, but I feel better having lost even this much -- 23 lbs.

We visited the kids this past weekend. Jay was helping Dan with a 198? Ninja motorcycle that he is restoring while I "helped" Jen with a big fabric order she is working on. I really just kept her company while she worked. But the fabric is turning out awesome. She'll be turning it into table runners soon. Check it out at http://www.homesweetbyhand.com/blog
I'm so proud of her.

And that's the update!

Happy Birthday Mom!

I went to visit my mom this weekend. I try to visit once a month and this month I timed the visit to coincide with mom's birthday weekend. It was really nice. Mom turned 84 and she doesn't like being 84, but I think she enjoyed her 84th birthday in spite of that. A couple of other sisters came over on Saturday too and we all brought a dish -- my brother-in-law made the cake. It was pretty perfect. It was a good visit.

Jen couldn't make it because she has a big order that she's working on. www.homesweetbyhand.com that's my girl! I love her stuff and apparently so does someone else. :-)

Of course, that was the first day of snacking/munching that I've had since the beginning of the year. What can I say ... mmmmmmm. And I was hungry today. It's amazing. I've been sticking to my new routine so well, but one day off the wagon and I'm back to my old cravings. Hopefully it will pass quickly. On the bright side, I didn't gain weight from it so I guess I didn't go too crazy. Back squarely on the wagon and hoping I have a way to go before my calorie intake = my output.

Today was a really rainy day, so Jay and I couldn't ride bikes after work. Tomorrow will be iffy, but after that, we should be able to ride the rest of the week. That's an activity that we enjoy doing together. For some reason, we chat more while riding than we do when we're doing other things, so it's really pleasant. And we both have very sedentary jobs, and we work out very differently, so having a physical activity that we both enjoy and share is really nice. We look forward to the nice weather.

I think I'll play a little Wii tennis before bed. :-)

Improving ... knock wood

I continue to cough, but I've noticed a change since adding homeopathy to my treatment with my sister's help. She has been studying homeopathy for years and has helped all of us in the family over the course of time. What I noticed is that I don't cough or cough hardly at all until late in the afternoon ... as I approach the time for my evening inhaler dose.

I've been on inhalers since November and have continued to cough a lot, but I found out that it's definitely better with the inhaler than without, but still not really good. I don't want to jinx it, but it's been greatly improved in the last few weeks. So maybe there's hope after all.

On the eating front, I'm still sticking to my new eating plan without much difficulty. I don't find myself craving snacks much any more -- like entire bags of popcorn. :-) And not snacking at night is finally getting easier. I do make sugar free frozen yogurt for my husband and I sometimes -- it's really good. But I'm not snacking constantly and I'm doing ok with that. That's been the most difficult change for me. I think it was harder than cutting back on how much bread I eat, which surprised me. I guess I really was snacking way more than I thought ... if I missed it that much.

But I've lost 22 pounds which is awesome. I think a lot of that is my workouts and my effort to boost my metabolism in general. Since I sit all day at my job, I needed to figure out ways to keep moving periodically. So I walk at lunch (walk fast and include stairs) and I do Wii tennis and whatever in the evenings. But the biggest workout change was the Denise Austin Bootcamp Workout DVD. That workout seems to work for me as well as jogging used to. So, everything combined adds up to 22 pounds! Woo hoo! And all this stuff is a maintenance plan, so the weight should stay off. Woo hoo!

I'm back into pants that I haven't been able to wear for a few years. I can get into my skinnier jeans, but I don't think they're a good idea yet. They are really tight and I don't like really tight, so they'll stay on the shelf. I'm still feeling so much better even at this not-so-thin size. I have to try and not let myself get into that kind of slump again. I won't be 20 again. I won't have young skin again. I will continue to acquire new aches and pains and problems. But that's no reason to give up on myself.

I hope I can actually do it when the going gets tough.

More coughing, more rain, Calgon ... take me away

I tried a couple of different homeopathic remedies during the last week. They caused my coughing to change, but not really go away. Then my sister thought of causticum. I read the Materia Medica and it struck a nerve on a lot of fronts, so I went looking for it. I couldn't find it in local stores, so I ordered it. Thank goodness for "Homeopathy Works". I've been using their online store for several years. I think they filled the order in record time.

I took a dose of causticum this past Thursday night and started coughing more again. I was moving in the wrong direction! It didn't keep me from sleeping, but I started coughing again when I woke up Friday morning and all day long. I ended up needing cough medicine so I could sleep last night, which I know wasn't good for the homeopathic meds, but I really couldn't sleep. I didn't take any more causticum because I had such a strong reaction.

But I woke up this morning feeling pretty good. I don't want to jinx it, but I coughed very little today. I'm thinking I'll hold off on the next dose of causticum until Monday morning. I'm doing pretty well today, so I'll see where this first dose takes me. Boy, I hope this works. 6 months of coughing ... enough already.

Also, I had a cup of regular coffee this morning and have been jittery all day. I'm wondering if it was partly the causticum too since one cup of coffee doesn't usually affect me like that. I just started feeling "normal" a little after dinner. That causticum is potent stuff -- at least it is for me.

And, of course, it's raining buckets today. Which is better than snow, but I'm sick of gray, dreary days and blizzards and crappy weather in general. We did have nice weather last weekend. I even got out to the driving range to hit a bucket of balls. But I'm thinking that all this snow and rain is going to make for a very bug-infested spring. At this point, I just want spring. My feet are tired of being in shoes. I want my flip flops back.

I'm still hanging in there with my new exercise routines and eating habits. It has definitely paid off and I've been happy with my energy level and how I feel. I'm a lot less sluggish. I find that I get up right away when the alarm goes off and I don't dawdle as much. All good things. I'm actually getting to work earlier. And I'm into some jeans that I had to stop wearing. Granted, they WERE my fat jeans as my girth grew, but NOW they are my skinny jeans. It's all a matter of perspective. There's another pair that are a better size. I don't know if I'll ever get back into those. I'm just happy having gotten this far. But this isn't a diet -- it's my new routine, so we'll see where it takes me.

So life on this side of the hill has been a little better lately. I know that I'm still on the bad side of the hill and that this feeling that I'm improving is kind of an illusion, but what the hell. I'll take it. If it feels good, it feels good. Don't look that gift horse in the mouth.

Let's try homeopathy

I visited my mom last weekend which is always nice. My sister came to visit to. Les is a nurse who has become a big believer in alternative medicine and has studied homeopathy. She has been able to help everyone in the family with various health issues, so she's taking a crack at my eternal coughing. I seem to have reached the end of what western/traditional medicine can do.

The difficulty with a cough is that it's a symptom of almost everything. The first remedy we are trying is drocera. It definitely changed the cough. I started proving the remedy so I stopped taking it and we're seeing where this takes me. I can actually laugh a little and not trigger a cough, which is an improvement. And it seems to be changing from a reactive cough to a tickle cough. I'm not sure if this is good, so we'll keep watching for a day or so. If this isn't the right remedy, we'll try spongia next. I've been reading about it and it sounds like the next best thing to try.

I found that I managed to loose another couple of pounds. It took a couple of weeks, but that's ok. I guess that means that I haven't reached the bottom after all which is good. I got into a pair of jeans today that I haven't been able to wear in a long time ... like over a year. They used to be the jeans that I wore all the time, so I'm pretty happy about that. I long time ago I was pretty unhappy with this size, now I'm delighted. I guess it's all a matter of perspective.

If I can loose a few more pounds and this cough, I'll be pretty pleased.

One day at a time

I'm still plugging along. Eating less bread (a lot less bread). Not snacking (mostly). Exercising daily. Remember, I'm not on a diet per se. I've adjusted/corrected my eating habits. I've lost about 16 lbs and it hasn't been bad. This week has been more difficult because my "why am I doing this" attitude tried to come back. I guess I'm going to always struggle with that. I didn't used to, but I think this side of the hill makes those thoughts inevitable. But I keep telling myself that even though I won't be a size 8, I am already feeling better and that's worth a lot.

It's disappointing that no one can tell that I've lost weight, but I definitely notice. I no longer feel like I'm going to explode out of my slacks and I'm able to wear some pants that I had to stop wearing. And I guess that explains why no one can tell ... I'm wearing the same clothes. I haven't lost enough to drop a size, I'm just able to wear my existing clothes again and not feel terrified of an embarrassing moment, but they are definitely loose now. So I have to stay focussed on the positive.

I'm still fighting the perpetual cough. All the various medications that have been prescribed have helped, but it hasn't gone away. I've been coughing more this week and it's frustrating my husband because he went out and bought better filters for the house vents and a couple of air purifiers to help reduce the pet dander, and I seem to be coughing more this week. I can't explain it.

I decided to try a home-grown remedy since modern science isn't quite doing the job. I got some apple cider vinegar and fresh, local honey to mix with hot water and sip in the morning and evening in an effort to get rid of it. We'll see how it goes. It won't hurt and, who knows, it might help. It's a generally good-for-you kinda of tonic anyway, so what the hell.

So I continue to fight the loosing battle of the wrong side of the bell curve. The positive results give me the illusion that I'm winning the battle. I know there's no way to WIN the battle. Aging is aging ... no getting around it. So, even though I can't change that fact, I can make the journey less miserable. That's all any of us can do. So in that sense, I guess I'm winning. :-)

A new reason to hate getting older

I got a call from the doctor who is trying to figure out why I've been coughing for almost 5 months now. Though I've always suspected that I am somewhat bothered by pet dander, he confirmed it. Apparently, I'm not just somewhat bothered ... I'm downright allergic. Well, I have a dog a four cats, so what's a girl to do?

This is something I've grown into. I was tested for general allergic reactions several years ago and all the patch tests came back negative or barely sensitive. Now, I'm highly reactive. That stinks. Bottom line, none of the animals are going anywhere. I guess I just have to take more drugs to control it. We won't get any more animals, but we won't get rid of any that we have either.

One step forward ... two steps back. The way it was explained to me is that allergies are cumulative. I was bothered by the pet dander but it wasn't that bad. Then I got that really bad case of bronchitis and I guess that was just more than my respiratory system could handle. And, the allergies make it really difficult to get completely over the bronchitis. Oh joy.

I'm not going to use this as an excuse to give up on my renewed workout routine and eating habits. My clothes are fitting better again -- I'm not afraid of washing my pants anymore. And I just generally feel better; or as better as I can feel; which is the result of loosing 15 pounds, I'm sure. So, no giving up because of another physical issue.

Ahhhhhh ... Sunshine

Yesterday looked like the end of the world and today looked like the beginning. We shoveled out the driveway early and it was a beautiful sunny day and the sunshine did the rest. The roads are in decent shape, so I'll be able to go to work again tomorrow. Yay?

It dawned on me today that I haven't played Wii tennis since all this shoveling of snow began. I was too sore to play for a while, but then I just forgot about it. My husband doesn't really like playing, so I wait for him to go to bed and then I play for a while before I go to bed. I think tonight is a good Wii night.

I'm not feeling as hungry tonight which is good. I wish I knew why sometimes I feel hungry/deprived and other times (not as often), I'm ok. Maybe it's just going to take more time. For the most part though, I'm pretty comfortable with what I'm doing. It's not rocket science, it's just not any fun. I'm so envious of those skinny girls who seem to be able to eat whatever they want and stay skinny. Oh well. As my mother would say ... "everything works, doesn't it?". And she's right. But I want it to work as well as possible and that's what this whole effort is about.

NO MORE SNOW!

Today was the 2nd blizzard and 3rd big snow storm we've had in 3 weeks. It's insane. I can't believe we have to dig out AGAIN. The previous 2 storms happened on the weekend so we had Sunday to dig out, but today is Wednesday and looking out the front window, it doesn't look like I'll make it in to the office tomorrow. We have a few hours of digging to do first. Hopefully, they will allow me to telecommute. If not, then I'll have to take a vacation day.

As for my "I care" attitude, I think I'm actually starting to really care again. I haven't skipped workouts and I have continued to not eat as much bread, etc. And I have lost about 12 pounds which is awesome. I'm hoping that my weight continues to go down. Since I'm not really dieting, I don't expect to loose all the weight that I'm sure I SHOULD loose, but I'm no longer afraid to wash my pants. Seriously, my pants were so tight that I dreaded washing them. And that's a pretty good feeling.

In spite of all this goodness, I still feel deprived in the evening. Night time continues to be the hardest for me. I'm fine all day long, but when I come home, I'm hungry all the time. I guess that tells me how much I must have been snacking even though I didn't think I was. How can you eat like that and not be aware of it?

Anyway, I better get some sleep because there is more shoveling in my future ... I just don't know if I have to do it after "work" or if I have all day long to work on it. Sigh.

And the coughing continues

I had an appointment with a pulmonologist today. Actually, I really liked him. He's a straight forward, no nonsense kind of doctor and I like that. It appears that I have another one of those "we don't know what causes it and we don't know exactly how to cure it, but we have several guesses to try and make it better" things. So now, in addition to high blood pressure, tinnitus and TMJ, I have obstructed airways. Great.

So he prescribed inhaler type number 4 and a prescription for a different kind of nasal spray and we'll see how it goes for the next 2 weeks. The cornerstones of chronic cough are post nasal drip, esophageal reflux and asthma. So they're treating the asthma-like symptoms.

One piece of good news, my blood pressure was awesome! My doctor added norvasc to the lisinopril that I was taking because the lisinopril wasn't getting the job done anymore. So, of course, the pulmonologist wants me to stop taking the lisinopril because a common side effect is coughing. But that's normally a dry, tickle kind of cough which is not what my cough is at all. He still wants me to stop taking it for a while just to eliminate it as a factor. So, my blood pressure will like go up again, but it's just for a few weeks, then I can go back on it -- or change to another medication if it turns out that it is the medication.

I'm trying really hard to say it's worth caring enough to take good care of myself and then this -- 2 steps forward, 1 step back. I just can't win. I'm having a huge craving to sit down and snack my brains out. Eat right. Exercise hard. Die anyway. I better go to bed. Sleep not eat.

Snow, snow, snow

I am so sick of snow! I thought we wouldn't ever need our snow shovels again after moving to the eastern shore. WRONG! It was a good thing that Jay can't throw anything away because our snow shovels were put back into service this past weekend. We got over 10 inches of snow which is VERY unusual here. Jay's mom was visiting and got snowed in in her vacation home nearby, so after I cleared our driveway, we headed over to her house to dig her out too. I think I made up for a week of no workouts.

It was Jay's birthday on Saturday, but the winter storm kept us in. Our friends who own a restaurant felt bad that they closed the restaurant because of the snow on Jay's birthday and brought us over fixings for our favorite dinners on Sunday, so he still had a fantastic Adolfo's dinner -- minus the wonderful service. But I still owe him a dinner out. Maybe this coming weekend -- though they are calling for more miserable winter weather this weekend. Spring ... where are you!?

It was nice to get back to working out again this morning. I'm still coughing. I go to the doctor for another test tomorrow. I hope they see something that explains all this stinking coughing. Plus my blood pressure doesn't want to be managed -- it's still high even though the doctor added another medication. So I guess we'll have to do more experimenting to find what will work. Blah blah blah. Fighting the urge to say to hell with everything again. I'm feeling better with my little 10 lb weight loss though, so I guess I'll keep my focus. It's still hard though.

Recovery week

I spent this past week recovering which means no working out or playing Wii tennis at night. I did do my lunchtime walks at work, but that was it. And with the help of friends and co-workers I was able to get an appointment with a pulmonologist to see if they can figure out why I've been coughing for 4 months! The cool thing is that I don't have to wait until March -- my appointment is next week. I was so happy. I was really depressed at the thought of 6 or more weeks of coughing waiting for an appointment.

Next week I'll get back to my morning workouts and my evening Wii tennis. I missed playing Wii this week. It made for a pretty boring week.

I had a couple of days of very little coughing, but it was back today. :-( I hope they find a reason soon. I'm really sick of coughing.

But, overall, so far, I've been doing pretty good with keeping my attitude positive and getting back into a good workout routine.

All better ... almost

Man, it was definitely not over on Thursday. My fever went up again and broke again on Friday. That was the end of the fever. I was still kind of pathetic on Saturday and finally started feeling human again on Sunday. Let me just say that the flu sucks.

So the weekend was a total waste and the whole event has set me back in trying to pump up my metabolism. I'll have to build my stamina back and then get back into my workout routine. And I was doing so well. I did do a lunch time walk today, but that was it. I'm not quite ready to break a real sweat. Soon though.

I didn't eat hardly at all for 3 days and barely ate on the 4th, but I also wasn't moving much, so I'm thinking the low calorie intake was offset by the low calorie burn ... it was a wash.

I was supposed to be a volunteer on a Habitat For Humanity house on Saturday. I was supposed to be stiff/sore from 4 hours of manual labor today. I was looking forward to the project. I've thought about volunteering for years, but just never got off my butt to do it. So when a co-worker asked if I'd be interested in doing it with her and a bunch of others, I jumped at the chance. I was really disappointed that I couldn't do it. I have another chance in February.

I was feeling pretty good before the flu hit though so I really want to get back in that groove. On the bright side, not eating for a couple of days really has taken the edge off. I'm not feeling hungry tonight like I always was before. Maybe that little fasting helped me adapt to less food a little quicker ... a crash course as it were. I need to find a bright side to last week. I think that's going to be the best I can do.

Another miserable day

Boy, whatever this is, it sure has me miserable. Although, the tenderness in my neck is fading, so maybe I'm finally, really on the mend. I thought I would start feeling better after the fever broke yesterday, but that didn't happen. And though I'm less miserable (I think), I wouldn't say that I'm ready to go out or anything.

I'm trying hard to not blame being sick so much the last few months on my age. Everyone gets sick, but I've always been pretty hearty, so it's really tempting to to just blame this last several months on age, but I'm resisting. I figure that the bronchitis-turned-chronic-cough has made me vulnerable to colds and flu. Based on the really miserable achiness, I'm guessing that what I have/had was some form of flu.

On the brighter side, I checked my daughter's online store and she has over 100 orders now! I am so proud of her! Again, one of those things I couldn't experience if I was 20 and didn't have a grown daughter. If anyone is curious, check her store out at http://homesweet.etsy.com or visit her website at http://homesweetbyhand.com/

So proud. :-)

Sick day

Last night I felt good. I even played a little Wii tennis before I went to bed! But I had a chill when I went to bed -- which is unusual for me. I knew it wasn't good. Sure enough, by morning I could hardly swallow and I had a fever of 101.4

So, obviously, I stayed home from work today. My fever broke. I still feel kind of crappy, but definitely better than I did first thing this morning.

It stinks that I'm doing all this stuff to be healthier and feel better and then this hits. Oh well. Hopefully I'm on the mend and this ends up being a 24 hour thing. Please, please, please.

Glutino?

I have had this persistent/chronic cough since I had bronchitis at the beginning of November. The latest plan is to treat it as "adult onset asthma", so I have an inhaler and a new allergy medication in addition to my blood pressure meds. If this doesn't get rid of the cough, then we (my doctor and I) will try taking me off of lisinopril and try something else for the blood pressure because one of the common side effects of lisinopril is a persistent cough.

The reason we didn't change the BP medication first is because the cough isn't a dry, tickle kind of cough; it's a productive cough.

I got to thinking, I wonder, if with everything else that's going to pot on me these days, could wheat/gluten be becoming an issue for me. It's odd that I would love something that makes me ill, but it fits with the other craziness going on with my body any more. Although, I HAVE dramatically reduced my bread intake, I am still having bread. Mostly whole grain, but that's the not the same as gluten free.

When I was in the grocery store, I saw a cereal called "Glutino" in the "natural/organic" aisle. It looked like gluten-free cheerios, so I got it to try. It's actually pretty tasty. I guess the only real way to know if I have developed an issue with gluten, is to stop eating foods that contain gluten, but I don't think that's very likely. I'm not THAT miserable. Certainly not miserable enough to go that far ... unless nothing else works I guess. If I have to go that route, fortunately the health food grocery stores have gluten free bread options. We'll see.

In the mean time, I'm staying pretty much on track with my eating plan and I have increased my exercise in an effort to pump up my metabolism. I'll never be a bony ass with my little program ... I've always been a sturdy girl. But I'd be delighted if eating this way knocked off 20 pounds or so. That's not asking tooooo much, is it?

Good football weekend

It was a busy weekend. I visited my mom near D.C. We babysat our grandson while the kids helped friends paint some rooms in their new house. And we watched a lot of football.

I took my new Wii to my mom's house to show my mom and sister. Mom thought it was interesting, but wasn't interested enough to try it -- she is 83. But I thought she might try the bowling. My sister really seemed to get into it. I wonder if I can get a commission from Nintendo for sales that I make? :-)

Though the weekend was fun, it was far from anything you'd eat on a diet, but since I'm not on a diet, it's all good. 3 glasses of wine at mom's house. Buttered popcorn with football (not ALL of the games -- just one). And eating with a 3 year old rarely consititutes healthy eating. But, I don't think I went nuts either, so I'm feeling pretty ok about it. Afterall, I'm not on a diet ... I'm in the process of changing my eating habits as part of a general lifestyle change/improvement.

Even though I'm thinking about and talking about food constantly, I am trying to not think of what I'm doing as a diet. It's a quality of life issue for me. I had managed to let myself go to where I just wasn't feeling good about myself or even just good in general. I'm not a candidate for "The Biggest Looser", I'm just slipping into the next size and I don't want to go. Ergo, changes need to be made. Baby steps.

Finally!

The universe threw me a bone and I actually lost a few pounds. Woo hoo. I think I will start weighing "in" on Fridays instead of Mondays. :-)

I do well during the day, but still find myself hungry in the evenings. Hopefully, that feeling will eventually go away -- I'll just get used to this being the amount of food that I eat. It's only been 2 weeks afterall.

All-in-all, it hasn't been too difficult. My eating habits are/were not that bad as far as what I ate. Apparently, quantity was more of an issue than I realized. I have to make concious decisions about stopping and not having some things -- like unlimited amounts of bread. I do love bread. I wonder what weight these eating habits will take me to?

Of course, I've also re-engergized my workouts. I had really slacked off this past year (or more) -- since I hurt my knee I guess. That started the pity party. But the Wii makes it fun and I'm really liking the new video I got recently -- Denise Austin's Boot Camp workout. I am actually feeling better even though it's only been a few pounds.

Gotta keep it going.

Perfect 10

I was listening to an interview on the local radio station on my way to work. There was what first seemed like a goofy interview. Some guy named Doctor Aziz who sounded like a character on a Saturday Night Live skit and he was talking about the "Perfect 10 Diet". I thought, "Great, the Bo Derek Diet!" As I listened I realized it was a serious interview (or as serious as this radio station can be).

When I got home I googled it and learned that it's a real thing. The basic premise is that our (Americans) bodies are fat because our hormones are all out of whack. And our hormones are all screwed up because of all the "fake food" that we eat. Fast food. Low fat and fat free everything. Fake eggs. Dr. Aziz recommends, not surprisingly, whole grains and fruits and vegetables, but he also advocates whole milk and real eggs. Eat real food in reasonable quantities. You know, like we used to when we were kids.

So I'm hoping I'm on the right track with my current plan/approach. I'm basically doing his "maintenance" stage. I'm not doing a 3 week emersion diet where I don't eat any grains whatsoever. Though I will try to eat whole grains whenver I can -- I like whole wheat bread, etc. -- I don't think I'm going to slash my wrists if I have something on a kaiser roll.

But I really liked the practical science of the Perfect 10 Diet. It makes sense ... at least it does to me.

I had a pretty good day today. Again, I was hungry by the end of the day. :-( I tried my hand at making sugar free ice cream tonight. It turned out pretty well actually, but I could have added more stevia according to my husband. And he's right. But, even though it could be sweeter, it's still tasty and the consistency is pretty good too.

Another week almost done and I'm still hanging in there with the plan. Time for some Wii tennis before bed. :-)

More changes ... not in a good way

I've noticed that my skin seems to scratch/break easier. I guess the loss of collogen or whatever, that affects the elasticity. You see it in "older" folks all the time, but I guess I never thought about when it begins. Let's face it, you don't wake up one day and all at once have thin skin. So I'm thinking it begins like this. You start noticing more nicks and scratches. It's not noticeable to anyone but me at this point, so I won't loose sleep over it. It's just another annoyance that this side of the hill/bell curve offers that the other side doesn't. Oh joy.

And this chronic cough, that seems to have been a gift remaining from a bout of bronchitis that I had last fall, just won't go away. I don't know if, in addition to all my other complaints, this has turned into asthma, but the doctors don't have a better idea at this point. I guess it's back to my primary care group to see what other ideas they have.

I did well on my new regimen again today. I'm hungry right now, but I guess that's not avoidable. I am eating less after all. Hopefully, my body will adjust to the new portions and stop being hungry. Apparently, that doesn't happen in a week. There really isn't any reason for me to be hungry. I ate more than any diet would allow, but I ate a lot less than I normally do. And that's all I'm planning to do -- all I'm willing to do. I haven't gotten get rid of my entire "I don't give a crap" attitude. I do want to enjoy meals. I don't want to count calories and live on teeny, packaged portions for the rest of my life. I am willing to cut back on how much I eat and indulge less often. That's reasonable.

I worked out this morning and had a walk at lunch at work. I might play a little tennis later this evening. The trick will be to stick with this for more than a few weeks. I usually manage to be "good" for a month or so and then, when the pounds don't melt the way I think they should, I give up in disgust. I have to remember that I'm not 20 anymore. Nothing about this body works the way it used to. Since I don't really consider this a diet ... just a diet change, I'm trying not to obsess about the weight part. Though you can't tell it from reading this blog. But I don't get on the scale every morning or multiple times a day like I usually do.

So I continue on my slide down the hill, but trying to slow the slide down a little.

A new week begins

I did pretty well today. Dinner was a little extravagant (had some bread mmmmm), but I did pretty well overall today. I think I'm doing good at keeping my portions down. And I have definitely cut my bread consumption significantly. Now for the bad news ... I stepped on the scale this morning and no change. I like to think it nudged down a bit, but that's probably a bunch of crap.

I keep saying that I'm not on a diet, I'm trying to find reasonable and healthy way to eat and let the pounds fall where they may, but I was hoping to see SOME results. I mean even a pound would be nice. Oh well. I'll keep going. One week is hardly a test of the program.

I tried my Wii Dance Revolution this morning. As it turns out, I'm not very good at it. If you care about points, I stink. If you're just using it to get moving, then I'm doing ok. :-) It's harder than I expected to rack up points. It's not just hitting the right step ... it's hitting it at the right time. It's hard to believe that those 7 year olds on YouTube videos look so effortless yet they are racking up the points. I'll catch up to them. ha!

When your child becomes your friend

My daughter discovered my blog this past week, which is fine, but it means that this is no longer an anonymous outlet. She's known for a while that I'm not happy with the aging process. Turning 50 (7 years ago) was the first birthday that bothered me. Unlike many people, I didn't care about 30 or 40, but 50 ... I took the day off from work, stayed in my sweats and moped. It was like a sick day.

Jen discovered that I was home doing the death scene from Macbeth and left work at lunch and joined me. She made tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for us (comfort food from my childhood) and we spent the afternoon watching movies. :-) That turned out to be my favorite birthday memory.

My daughter has a business that she started a little over a year ago. She hand block prints fabrics and makes home decor items. http://www.homesweetbyhand.com/. I love her work -- and not just because she's my daughter. There are many things where we have similar taste. At her website she has a blog too and I love checking it out. This morning I did my usual thing and checked out her blog and she has an entry about the decision to have children ... I have a spectacular grandson. It was like she read my mind as she described what it's like to have kids. I loved it.

It dawns on me as I write, I can't be 20 and experiencing this sense of pride and happiness at my daughter. The ONLY way I can be having this experience is to be my age because she needed to be a grown-up to have her son and be the person she is. So, I guess I have FINALLY found a bright spot to getting older ... enjoying the fruits of your labor. We work hard when we're young to build a life and for those of us who had children, there is more to enjoy as they do the same thing. If you're lucky, children are the gift that keeps on giving. And I AM LUCKY.

MacDonalds for dinner

So, we ended up with MacDonalds for dinner. I was REALLY tempted to get a Big Mac -- I don't have them very often, but I still opted for the Big N Tasty. It's a good burger and, hopefully, not as bad as the Big Mac since there isn't as much crap on it.

I know this isn't exactly diet food :-) but I'm not thinking of what I'm doing as a diet. I am just trying to make better choices, and hopefully, I will settle into a food routine that I can do forever. We loose weight on a diet, but we end up gaining all or a lot of it back because that's not how we want to eat on a daily basis. Then we get discouraged and gain even more. At least, that's what I've been doing for the last ... I don't know how many years.

The other good choice I made today was not buy my favorite bagel at Paneras. It's the whole grain bagel, which is good because it's whole grain, but then there's the cream cheese part. Plus the bagel is pretty big. I usually buy one so I can have it for my breakfast on Sunday, but I didn't do it today even though I was running errands right near Panera. I know, it's a small thing, but again, I'm trying to make better choices.

I had lost 50 lbs about 25 years ago and kept it mostly off for a very long time. But the whole "why care because age is causing me to fall apart anyway" attitude, has really been doing damage. Probably more damage the the aging process. In other words, I've been making a bad situation, worse. Not that aging is a bad situation ... hmmm ... maybe it is. Anyway, I've been making really bad choices the last few years and it shows.

Right now we're watching football and I'm feeling hungry. Probably because I'm thinking about food so much right now.

I received my Dance Revolution game for the Wii today. I was hoping I'd get to try it out (start learning how to do it), but I got paged by work and ended up troubleshooting a full disk on one of the servers. Poop. My knee is still a little sore anyway, so it's probably a good thing. Maybe tomorrow after I finish house chores.

Dinner out ... yum

So I was good for most of Friday, but it was Friday. We went out to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants in Ocean City (Adolofo's) with a couple of friends. It was a great evening and I actually was pretty good as far as the meal went. I had eggplant and salad and actually didn't eat bread!!! A miracle for me. But I had 4 or 5 hundred calories in wine. But it was sooooo good.

Today was a donut and coffee for breakfast, no lunch, some chips and salsa as a snack and dinner plans are pending. A typical Saturday ... errands.

I've been having a heck of a time with my fingernails. They started breaking easily a year or so ago. Then a couple of them started splitting. So I added biotin to my daily vitamins -- I do it in lozenge form so that I don't loose it in the digestive process. And that helped, but now I'm noticing that I just bang the crap out of them more. It's like my eye-hand coordination isn't as good as it used to be. I know I'm fighting a loosing battle, but crap. Can't nature let me have a plateau every now and then?

Tonight is football, so not sure what we'll have for dinner. But I won't make our usual HUGE bowl of buttered popcorn, so I'm not a total slug.

Sliding into the weekend

My knee started aching last night -- a lot like the ache I had a couple of years ago that put me out of commission for 6 months! I skipped playing Wii games last night. The lunging around the family room didn't seem like a good idea. I did work out this morning, but nothing crazy. 10 minutes of Nordic Trak and then some weights.

Again, I don't know what I did, but I put a neoprene knee brace on under my clothes and will skip my lunchtime walk. One step forward; two steps back. I'm telling ya, this side of the hill just sucks.

So far I've done well with the eating part. The cafeteria at work had taco salad today. I looked at it and thought ... a boney ass would eat 1/4 of this or wouldn't have bought it at all. Then I thought, a skinny person would probably eat just half. I ate more than half but didn't eat the whole thing. That's an improvement for me.

As I started eating it and thinking about what not-fat people would do, I started hearing that rebellious "what the hell" voice. I can't win for loosing. Even when I'm being good, there goes my knee! Screw it. I pushed it back, but it really is frustrating.

It dawned on me that I've begun regressing. Apparently, compressing, drooping, drying up, falling apart, isn't quite enough. Let's start crapping out mentally too! What I thought of was that my "what the hell" voice reminds me of a teenager who can't stand not having their way. It's all or nothing and if it's not all, then it's nothing with a tantrum. :-) THAT's what I've been doing. It wasn't a self-pity party ... it was a tantrum. OK, it was a self-pity-based tantrum.

Does seeing this stuff help me cope? I'm not sure yet. I guess time will tell. But staying clinical does keep me from listening to my bad self. I'm not any less miserable, but I'm not compounding the problems either by binging and gaining even more weight. Not today anyway.

I'm sure that my present approach will stop the weight gain. What I don't know is whether or not it will result in weight loss. I did eat more than half of that taco salad and I did have corn fritters the other day. I guess we'll see. All I know is that I really don't see myself living off of crackers, carrots and an apple for the rest of my life. This is what I'm willing to do and what I'm willing to try to do on an on-going basis ... I hope.

Day 4

Overall, not a bad day. I ate reasonably well. No snacking while fixing dinner (a bad habit that has become a reflex for me now). Did about 20 minutes of brisk walking at lunch at work in the secret hallway that I found. I took a friend with me and she liked it too, so we'll try and walk every day.

I'm feeling a little food deprived today for some reason. I've seen this before. I do well for several days and then I'm ready for it to end. All done! But I'm far from deprived. I know it's all mental, so I have to get past it. Not fun. I love eating constantly, I just don't like how I feel as a result of doing it.

So I continue to plug along. Oh for a speedy metabolism.

Started out slow ...

I woke up this morning feeling less than inspired. Not feeling the "I care" mojo. I dragged myself out of bed and fed the dog and then tried a new workout ... and I really liked it.

I recently picked up a new exercised DVD (while waiting for my Wii Dance Revolution to arrive). It's a Denise Austin video. Now, I've never been a Denise fan ... she's just too perky/happy. But the reviews I read sounded good, so I got it. And the reviewers were right! I think I'll be incorporating this DVD into my weekly routines even after DDR gets here. It's called Denise Austin's Bootcamp and I highly recommend it.

I'm 57 and overweight and trying to end a streak of self-pity about getting older -- which I can't stop. The Wii is helping by offering up a new and fun way of working out via the interactive games. And I think this video will fit into my new "cross training" routine nicely. I know that I will feel better once I really get going and I'm hoping that feeling better will also help my mental outlook.

This past year has been a pathetic slump. Other people manage to age without becoming total loosers. I should be able to do it too. I've never been a quitter, so I guess I just didn't know how to handle the new attitude. So I just kept eating butter bread and playing solitaire games on my laptop and watched TV. What a picture I must have made.

Right now the new attitude is forced. I'm not REALLY feeling the love. But hopefully, walking the walk and talking the talk will turn me around and I'll really get back in the groove.

I played 30 minutes of Wii tennis last night which was fun. Masocistic, but fun -- I loose a lot. Hopefully, all this activity will wake up my body and metabolism and I'll get rid of some of this butter bread fat that I've packed on.

Not as good as yesterday, but not bad

I did my exercising and I didn't pig out, but I did indulge a bit today. Corn fritters in the cafeteria at work were calling me and a couple of glasses of wine this evening. But, on the bright side, I didn't snack on everything when I got home which is what I've come to do.

I went to the dentist this morning. The tooth is still sensitive, but it's not painful, so that's a good thing. I'll give it a couple of days to see if the new filling really fixed the problem. But at least it's better.

I hope I can stay on track with my new attitude. I really don't like where my head has been this past year. Torn between wanting to feel better and learning to deal with this ever changing (and not in a good way) body. Finger nails that split for no reason, how easily I get injuries. I've noticed that my multi-tasking abilities aren't as good as they used to be. Things like that.

Anyway, day 3 is down and I'm maintaining my good outlook and doing well on taking care of myself.

An early dentist appointment

I had an early dentist appointment ... a filling cracked or something. I've been miserable for about a week. More decaying I guess. If it's not drooping or drying up, it's cracking and falling out/off. I really do not like this side of the hill.

Another thing I noticed today was that I have this chin/cheek quivering thing going on when I'm in the dentist's chair. I've been noticing it for quite a few years now, but this morning was pretty bad. It's just another sign of the times I guess.

Made it through day 2

Whew, I made it through another day. I didn't eat junk food. I had good meals. I'm not looking to DIET per se. I don't really believe in them. I want to eat reasonably for me and see where that takes me. I stumbled onto this page the other day ...

http://www.dietbites.com/Pyramid-Diet/example-1800-calorie-diet.html

It gives a general guideline for what to eat in a day to be consuming approximately 1800 calories a day. 1.5 cups of fruits, 2.5 cups of vegetables, 6 ounces of grains, 5 ounces of meats/beans, 3 cups of milk, 5 teaspoons of oils and allow 195 discretionary calories in a day.

This kind of guideline stands a chance of working for me. I have tried keeping food logs and counting calories and fat grams, etc. It just became such a burden that I stopped doing it. And I am not going to count calories for the rest of my life. I just want to live my life. And those guidelines are do-able for me. And it helps remind me of portions.

The other thing that I decided to experiment with is making frozen yogurt and/or ice cream. Sugar free, low fat frozen yogurt and ice cream. We like to have dessert so I wanted to find something that wouldn't be tooooo bad. I got a yogurt/ice cream maker for Christmas so tonight was the test run. The trick is to find something that provides the structure of the sugar since I want to use stevia or splenda as the sweetener. I used gelatin. It almost worked. It came out the consistency of a Wendy's Frosty. :-) Maybe some time in the freezer will help that. But the taste was good and it does satisfy the desire for a dessert.

So far, nothing has been a burden. I am thinking of snacking as I sit here. I guess it's time for some Wii tennis or bowling to take my mind off of it.

Today is harder

I'm feeling hungry this afternoon. Lunch just isn't doing it today and I actually had a good lunch, so I have no reason to be hungry. It's probably partly because I'm a little bored. I did take a walk after lunch. I found a hallway in the basement of the building that hardly anyone uses. I can walk up and down the hall and every other lap, climb a flight of stairs and go back down. It's not as pleasant as walking outside in nice weather, but given the temperature, I'm kinda liking the hall and stairwell.

I also found a scale that the receiving department uses. It's really big and it's really accurate. Maybe that wasn't such a great find afterall. Anyway, I have a place to walk each day again and I have a good scale to monitor progress.

Do I sound enthusiastic? Actually, at this moment I am. I hope I can keep it going.

Still trying ...

Well, as you can tell from the gap between posting dates, I did not successfully end my pity party. I used to NEVER skip workouts, but now I do. I used to not snack constantly, but now I do. I say I care, but actions say I don't. And I WANT to care, but I am really struggling with caring because I know I'm in decay mode so it doesn't really matter what I do.

Now I know "decay mode" sounds really severe, but that's where my head has been. So, I'm trying to act like I care about myself and maybe, at some point, I will again. Don't get me wrong. I do care about myself. I'm not jumping off a bridge or anything. But I have stopped taking care of myself like I used to.

One thing I'm trying is to find something that makes exercising fun again. I'm a jogger with bad knees, and now I'm fat too, so that's not happening. I'm tired of step aerobics and nordic track and exercise bikes. Some friends came over this past week and brought their new Wii with them. My husband HATES games, but her husband wouldn't take no for an answer so we all played ... just the basic games. And IT WAS FUN! Even Jay had fun. And I noticed that I was breathing a little heavy. hmmmm. So I went out and got a Wii. The other thing I did was get DDR (Dance Revolution game). I saw it years ago and was really interested, so I'm going to try it. So I'm hoping that maybe the Wii will re-invigorate my workouts.

So, I'm trying. I ate well yesterday and worked out. So I have successfully completed 1 day of caring. I'm on my 2nd day. I work out hard in the mornings, and I've been playing some sort of Wii game in the evening just so I'm not a total couch potato after work. My husband and I ride our bikes when the weather is nice, but that's not happening for a few months now. So Wii tennis or boxing is filling in for riding my bike. And, I don't feel like snacking as much ... I'm not sitting on my recliner staring at a dumb TV show watching commercials about food.

A whole day and a half of "I care". I'll just keep taking it one day at a time and see if I can't loose some of this pity weight and improve my mental outlook.