Recovery week

I spent this past week recovering which means no working out or playing Wii tennis at night. I did do my lunchtime walks at work, but that was it. And with the help of friends and co-workers I was able to get an appointment with a pulmonologist to see if they can figure out why I've been coughing for 4 months! The cool thing is that I don't have to wait until March -- my appointment is next week. I was so happy. I was really depressed at the thought of 6 or more weeks of coughing waiting for an appointment.

Next week I'll get back to my morning workouts and my evening Wii tennis. I missed playing Wii this week. It made for a pretty boring week.

I had a couple of days of very little coughing, but it was back today. :-( I hope they find a reason soon. I'm really sick of coughing.

But, overall, so far, I've been doing pretty good with keeping my attitude positive and getting back into a good workout routine.

All better ... almost

Man, it was definitely not over on Thursday. My fever went up again and broke again on Friday. That was the end of the fever. I was still kind of pathetic on Saturday and finally started feeling human again on Sunday. Let me just say that the flu sucks.

So the weekend was a total waste and the whole event has set me back in trying to pump up my metabolism. I'll have to build my stamina back and then get back into my workout routine. And I was doing so well. I did do a lunch time walk today, but that was it. I'm not quite ready to break a real sweat. Soon though.

I didn't eat hardly at all for 3 days and barely ate on the 4th, but I also wasn't moving much, so I'm thinking the low calorie intake was offset by the low calorie burn ... it was a wash.

I was supposed to be a volunteer on a Habitat For Humanity house on Saturday. I was supposed to be stiff/sore from 4 hours of manual labor today. I was looking forward to the project. I've thought about volunteering for years, but just never got off my butt to do it. So when a co-worker asked if I'd be interested in doing it with her and a bunch of others, I jumped at the chance. I was really disappointed that I couldn't do it. I have another chance in February.

I was feeling pretty good before the flu hit though so I really want to get back in that groove. On the bright side, not eating for a couple of days really has taken the edge off. I'm not feeling hungry tonight like I always was before. Maybe that little fasting helped me adapt to less food a little quicker ... a crash course as it were. I need to find a bright side to last week. I think that's going to be the best I can do.

Another miserable day

Boy, whatever this is, it sure has me miserable. Although, the tenderness in my neck is fading, so maybe I'm finally, really on the mend. I thought I would start feeling better after the fever broke yesterday, but that didn't happen. And though I'm less miserable (I think), I wouldn't say that I'm ready to go out or anything.

I'm trying hard to not blame being sick so much the last few months on my age. Everyone gets sick, but I've always been pretty hearty, so it's really tempting to to just blame this last several months on age, but I'm resisting. I figure that the bronchitis-turned-chronic-cough has made me vulnerable to colds and flu. Based on the really miserable achiness, I'm guessing that what I have/had was some form of flu.

On the brighter side, I checked my daughter's online store and she has over 100 orders now! I am so proud of her! Again, one of those things I couldn't experience if I was 20 and didn't have a grown daughter. If anyone is curious, check her store out at http://homesweet.etsy.com or visit her website at http://homesweetbyhand.com/

So proud. :-)

Sick day

Last night I felt good. I even played a little Wii tennis before I went to bed! But I had a chill when I went to bed -- which is unusual for me. I knew it wasn't good. Sure enough, by morning I could hardly swallow and I had a fever of 101.4

So, obviously, I stayed home from work today. My fever broke. I still feel kind of crappy, but definitely better than I did first thing this morning.

It stinks that I'm doing all this stuff to be healthier and feel better and then this hits. Oh well. Hopefully I'm on the mend and this ends up being a 24 hour thing. Please, please, please.

Glutino?

I have had this persistent/chronic cough since I had bronchitis at the beginning of November. The latest plan is to treat it as "adult onset asthma", so I have an inhaler and a new allergy medication in addition to my blood pressure meds. If this doesn't get rid of the cough, then we (my doctor and I) will try taking me off of lisinopril and try something else for the blood pressure because one of the common side effects of lisinopril is a persistent cough.

The reason we didn't change the BP medication first is because the cough isn't a dry, tickle kind of cough; it's a productive cough.

I got to thinking, I wonder, if with everything else that's going to pot on me these days, could wheat/gluten be becoming an issue for me. It's odd that I would love something that makes me ill, but it fits with the other craziness going on with my body any more. Although, I HAVE dramatically reduced my bread intake, I am still having bread. Mostly whole grain, but that's the not the same as gluten free.

When I was in the grocery store, I saw a cereal called "Glutino" in the "natural/organic" aisle. It looked like gluten-free cheerios, so I got it to try. It's actually pretty tasty. I guess the only real way to know if I have developed an issue with gluten, is to stop eating foods that contain gluten, but I don't think that's very likely. I'm not THAT miserable. Certainly not miserable enough to go that far ... unless nothing else works I guess. If I have to go that route, fortunately the health food grocery stores have gluten free bread options. We'll see.

In the mean time, I'm staying pretty much on track with my eating plan and I have increased my exercise in an effort to pump up my metabolism. I'll never be a bony ass with my little program ... I've always been a sturdy girl. But I'd be delighted if eating this way knocked off 20 pounds or so. That's not asking tooooo much, is it?

Good football weekend

It was a busy weekend. I visited my mom near D.C. We babysat our grandson while the kids helped friends paint some rooms in their new house. And we watched a lot of football.

I took my new Wii to my mom's house to show my mom and sister. Mom thought it was interesting, but wasn't interested enough to try it -- she is 83. But I thought she might try the bowling. My sister really seemed to get into it. I wonder if I can get a commission from Nintendo for sales that I make? :-)

Though the weekend was fun, it was far from anything you'd eat on a diet, but since I'm not on a diet, it's all good. 3 glasses of wine at mom's house. Buttered popcorn with football (not ALL of the games -- just one). And eating with a 3 year old rarely consititutes healthy eating. But, I don't think I went nuts either, so I'm feeling pretty ok about it. Afterall, I'm not on a diet ... I'm in the process of changing my eating habits as part of a general lifestyle change/improvement.

Even though I'm thinking about and talking about food constantly, I am trying to not think of what I'm doing as a diet. It's a quality of life issue for me. I had managed to let myself go to where I just wasn't feeling good about myself or even just good in general. I'm not a candidate for "The Biggest Looser", I'm just slipping into the next size and I don't want to go. Ergo, changes need to be made. Baby steps.

Finally!

The universe threw me a bone and I actually lost a few pounds. Woo hoo. I think I will start weighing "in" on Fridays instead of Mondays. :-)

I do well during the day, but still find myself hungry in the evenings. Hopefully, that feeling will eventually go away -- I'll just get used to this being the amount of food that I eat. It's only been 2 weeks afterall.

All-in-all, it hasn't been too difficult. My eating habits are/were not that bad as far as what I ate. Apparently, quantity was more of an issue than I realized. I have to make concious decisions about stopping and not having some things -- like unlimited amounts of bread. I do love bread. I wonder what weight these eating habits will take me to?

Of course, I've also re-engergized my workouts. I had really slacked off this past year (or more) -- since I hurt my knee I guess. That started the pity party. But the Wii makes it fun and I'm really liking the new video I got recently -- Denise Austin's Boot Camp workout. I am actually feeling better even though it's only been a few pounds.

Gotta keep it going.

Perfect 10

I was listening to an interview on the local radio station on my way to work. There was what first seemed like a goofy interview. Some guy named Doctor Aziz who sounded like a character on a Saturday Night Live skit and he was talking about the "Perfect 10 Diet". I thought, "Great, the Bo Derek Diet!" As I listened I realized it was a serious interview (or as serious as this radio station can be).

When I got home I googled it and learned that it's a real thing. The basic premise is that our (Americans) bodies are fat because our hormones are all out of whack. And our hormones are all screwed up because of all the "fake food" that we eat. Fast food. Low fat and fat free everything. Fake eggs. Dr. Aziz recommends, not surprisingly, whole grains and fruits and vegetables, but he also advocates whole milk and real eggs. Eat real food in reasonable quantities. You know, like we used to when we were kids.

So I'm hoping I'm on the right track with my current plan/approach. I'm basically doing his "maintenance" stage. I'm not doing a 3 week emersion diet where I don't eat any grains whatsoever. Though I will try to eat whole grains whenver I can -- I like whole wheat bread, etc. -- I don't think I'm going to slash my wrists if I have something on a kaiser roll.

But I really liked the practical science of the Perfect 10 Diet. It makes sense ... at least it does to me.

I had a pretty good day today. Again, I was hungry by the end of the day. :-( I tried my hand at making sugar free ice cream tonight. It turned out pretty well actually, but I could have added more stevia according to my husband. And he's right. But, even though it could be sweeter, it's still tasty and the consistency is pretty good too.

Another week almost done and I'm still hanging in there with the plan. Time for some Wii tennis before bed. :-)

More changes ... not in a good way

I've noticed that my skin seems to scratch/break easier. I guess the loss of collogen or whatever, that affects the elasticity. You see it in "older" folks all the time, but I guess I never thought about when it begins. Let's face it, you don't wake up one day and all at once have thin skin. So I'm thinking it begins like this. You start noticing more nicks and scratches. It's not noticeable to anyone but me at this point, so I won't loose sleep over it. It's just another annoyance that this side of the hill/bell curve offers that the other side doesn't. Oh joy.

And this chronic cough, that seems to have been a gift remaining from a bout of bronchitis that I had last fall, just won't go away. I don't know if, in addition to all my other complaints, this has turned into asthma, but the doctors don't have a better idea at this point. I guess it's back to my primary care group to see what other ideas they have.

I did well on my new regimen again today. I'm hungry right now, but I guess that's not avoidable. I am eating less after all. Hopefully, my body will adjust to the new portions and stop being hungry. Apparently, that doesn't happen in a week. There really isn't any reason for me to be hungry. I ate more than any diet would allow, but I ate a lot less than I normally do. And that's all I'm planning to do -- all I'm willing to do. I haven't gotten get rid of my entire "I don't give a crap" attitude. I do want to enjoy meals. I don't want to count calories and live on teeny, packaged portions for the rest of my life. I am willing to cut back on how much I eat and indulge less often. That's reasonable.

I worked out this morning and had a walk at lunch at work. I might play a little tennis later this evening. The trick will be to stick with this for more than a few weeks. I usually manage to be "good" for a month or so and then, when the pounds don't melt the way I think they should, I give up in disgust. I have to remember that I'm not 20 anymore. Nothing about this body works the way it used to. Since I don't really consider this a diet ... just a diet change, I'm trying not to obsess about the weight part. Though you can't tell it from reading this blog. But I don't get on the scale every morning or multiple times a day like I usually do.

So I continue on my slide down the hill, but trying to slow the slide down a little.

A new week begins

I did pretty well today. Dinner was a little extravagant (had some bread mmmmm), but I did pretty well overall today. I think I'm doing good at keeping my portions down. And I have definitely cut my bread consumption significantly. Now for the bad news ... I stepped on the scale this morning and no change. I like to think it nudged down a bit, but that's probably a bunch of crap.

I keep saying that I'm not on a diet, I'm trying to find reasonable and healthy way to eat and let the pounds fall where they may, but I was hoping to see SOME results. I mean even a pound would be nice. Oh well. I'll keep going. One week is hardly a test of the program.

I tried my Wii Dance Revolution this morning. As it turns out, I'm not very good at it. If you care about points, I stink. If you're just using it to get moving, then I'm doing ok. :-) It's harder than I expected to rack up points. It's not just hitting the right step ... it's hitting it at the right time. It's hard to believe that those 7 year olds on YouTube videos look so effortless yet they are racking up the points. I'll catch up to them. ha!

When your child becomes your friend

My daughter discovered my blog this past week, which is fine, but it means that this is no longer an anonymous outlet. She's known for a while that I'm not happy with the aging process. Turning 50 (7 years ago) was the first birthday that bothered me. Unlike many people, I didn't care about 30 or 40, but 50 ... I took the day off from work, stayed in my sweats and moped. It was like a sick day.

Jen discovered that I was home doing the death scene from Macbeth and left work at lunch and joined me. She made tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for us (comfort food from my childhood) and we spent the afternoon watching movies. :-) That turned out to be my favorite birthday memory.

My daughter has a business that she started a little over a year ago. She hand block prints fabrics and makes home decor items. http://www.homesweetbyhand.com/. I love her work -- and not just because she's my daughter. There are many things where we have similar taste. At her website she has a blog too and I love checking it out. This morning I did my usual thing and checked out her blog and she has an entry about the decision to have children ... I have a spectacular grandson. It was like she read my mind as she described what it's like to have kids. I loved it.

It dawns on me as I write, I can't be 20 and experiencing this sense of pride and happiness at my daughter. The ONLY way I can be having this experience is to be my age because she needed to be a grown-up to have her son and be the person she is. So, I guess I have FINALLY found a bright spot to getting older ... enjoying the fruits of your labor. We work hard when we're young to build a life and for those of us who had children, there is more to enjoy as they do the same thing. If you're lucky, children are the gift that keeps on giving. And I AM LUCKY.

MacDonalds for dinner

So, we ended up with MacDonalds for dinner. I was REALLY tempted to get a Big Mac -- I don't have them very often, but I still opted for the Big N Tasty. It's a good burger and, hopefully, not as bad as the Big Mac since there isn't as much crap on it.

I know this isn't exactly diet food :-) but I'm not thinking of what I'm doing as a diet. I am just trying to make better choices, and hopefully, I will settle into a food routine that I can do forever. We loose weight on a diet, but we end up gaining all or a lot of it back because that's not how we want to eat on a daily basis. Then we get discouraged and gain even more. At least, that's what I've been doing for the last ... I don't know how many years.

The other good choice I made today was not buy my favorite bagel at Paneras. It's the whole grain bagel, which is good because it's whole grain, but then there's the cream cheese part. Plus the bagel is pretty big. I usually buy one so I can have it for my breakfast on Sunday, but I didn't do it today even though I was running errands right near Panera. I know, it's a small thing, but again, I'm trying to make better choices.

I had lost 50 lbs about 25 years ago and kept it mostly off for a very long time. But the whole "why care because age is causing me to fall apart anyway" attitude, has really been doing damage. Probably more damage the the aging process. In other words, I've been making a bad situation, worse. Not that aging is a bad situation ... hmmm ... maybe it is. Anyway, I've been making really bad choices the last few years and it shows.

Right now we're watching football and I'm feeling hungry. Probably because I'm thinking about food so much right now.

I received my Dance Revolution game for the Wii today. I was hoping I'd get to try it out (start learning how to do it), but I got paged by work and ended up troubleshooting a full disk on one of the servers. Poop. My knee is still a little sore anyway, so it's probably a good thing. Maybe tomorrow after I finish house chores.

Dinner out ... yum

So I was good for most of Friday, but it was Friday. We went out to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants in Ocean City (Adolofo's) with a couple of friends. It was a great evening and I actually was pretty good as far as the meal went. I had eggplant and salad and actually didn't eat bread!!! A miracle for me. But I had 4 or 5 hundred calories in wine. But it was sooooo good.

Today was a donut and coffee for breakfast, no lunch, some chips and salsa as a snack and dinner plans are pending. A typical Saturday ... errands.

I've been having a heck of a time with my fingernails. They started breaking easily a year or so ago. Then a couple of them started splitting. So I added biotin to my daily vitamins -- I do it in lozenge form so that I don't loose it in the digestive process. And that helped, but now I'm noticing that I just bang the crap out of them more. It's like my eye-hand coordination isn't as good as it used to be. I know I'm fighting a loosing battle, but crap. Can't nature let me have a plateau every now and then?

Tonight is football, so not sure what we'll have for dinner. But I won't make our usual HUGE bowl of buttered popcorn, so I'm not a total slug.

Sliding into the weekend

My knee started aching last night -- a lot like the ache I had a couple of years ago that put me out of commission for 6 months! I skipped playing Wii games last night. The lunging around the family room didn't seem like a good idea. I did work out this morning, but nothing crazy. 10 minutes of Nordic Trak and then some weights.

Again, I don't know what I did, but I put a neoprene knee brace on under my clothes and will skip my lunchtime walk. One step forward; two steps back. I'm telling ya, this side of the hill just sucks.

So far I've done well with the eating part. The cafeteria at work had taco salad today. I looked at it and thought ... a boney ass would eat 1/4 of this or wouldn't have bought it at all. Then I thought, a skinny person would probably eat just half. I ate more than half but didn't eat the whole thing. That's an improvement for me.

As I started eating it and thinking about what not-fat people would do, I started hearing that rebellious "what the hell" voice. I can't win for loosing. Even when I'm being good, there goes my knee! Screw it. I pushed it back, but it really is frustrating.

It dawned on me that I've begun regressing. Apparently, compressing, drooping, drying up, falling apart, isn't quite enough. Let's start crapping out mentally too! What I thought of was that my "what the hell" voice reminds me of a teenager who can't stand not having their way. It's all or nothing and if it's not all, then it's nothing with a tantrum. :-) THAT's what I've been doing. It wasn't a self-pity party ... it was a tantrum. OK, it was a self-pity-based tantrum.

Does seeing this stuff help me cope? I'm not sure yet. I guess time will tell. But staying clinical does keep me from listening to my bad self. I'm not any less miserable, but I'm not compounding the problems either by binging and gaining even more weight. Not today anyway.

I'm sure that my present approach will stop the weight gain. What I don't know is whether or not it will result in weight loss. I did eat more than half of that taco salad and I did have corn fritters the other day. I guess we'll see. All I know is that I really don't see myself living off of crackers, carrots and an apple for the rest of my life. This is what I'm willing to do and what I'm willing to try to do on an on-going basis ... I hope.

Day 4

Overall, not a bad day. I ate reasonably well. No snacking while fixing dinner (a bad habit that has become a reflex for me now). Did about 20 minutes of brisk walking at lunch at work in the secret hallway that I found. I took a friend with me and she liked it too, so we'll try and walk every day.

I'm feeling a little food deprived today for some reason. I've seen this before. I do well for several days and then I'm ready for it to end. All done! But I'm far from deprived. I know it's all mental, so I have to get past it. Not fun. I love eating constantly, I just don't like how I feel as a result of doing it.

So I continue to plug along. Oh for a speedy metabolism.

Started out slow ...

I woke up this morning feeling less than inspired. Not feeling the "I care" mojo. I dragged myself out of bed and fed the dog and then tried a new workout ... and I really liked it.

I recently picked up a new exercised DVD (while waiting for my Wii Dance Revolution to arrive). It's a Denise Austin video. Now, I've never been a Denise fan ... she's just too perky/happy. But the reviews I read sounded good, so I got it. And the reviewers were right! I think I'll be incorporating this DVD into my weekly routines even after DDR gets here. It's called Denise Austin's Bootcamp and I highly recommend it.

I'm 57 and overweight and trying to end a streak of self-pity about getting older -- which I can't stop. The Wii is helping by offering up a new and fun way of working out via the interactive games. And I think this video will fit into my new "cross training" routine nicely. I know that I will feel better once I really get going and I'm hoping that feeling better will also help my mental outlook.

This past year has been a pathetic slump. Other people manage to age without becoming total loosers. I should be able to do it too. I've never been a quitter, so I guess I just didn't know how to handle the new attitude. So I just kept eating butter bread and playing solitaire games on my laptop and watched TV. What a picture I must have made.

Right now the new attitude is forced. I'm not REALLY feeling the love. But hopefully, walking the walk and talking the talk will turn me around and I'll really get back in the groove.

I played 30 minutes of Wii tennis last night which was fun. Masocistic, but fun -- I loose a lot. Hopefully, all this activity will wake up my body and metabolism and I'll get rid of some of this butter bread fat that I've packed on.

Not as good as yesterday, but not bad

I did my exercising and I didn't pig out, but I did indulge a bit today. Corn fritters in the cafeteria at work were calling me and a couple of glasses of wine this evening. But, on the bright side, I didn't snack on everything when I got home which is what I've come to do.

I went to the dentist this morning. The tooth is still sensitive, but it's not painful, so that's a good thing. I'll give it a couple of days to see if the new filling really fixed the problem. But at least it's better.

I hope I can stay on track with my new attitude. I really don't like where my head has been this past year. Torn between wanting to feel better and learning to deal with this ever changing (and not in a good way) body. Finger nails that split for no reason, how easily I get injuries. I've noticed that my multi-tasking abilities aren't as good as they used to be. Things like that.

Anyway, day 3 is down and I'm maintaining my good outlook and doing well on taking care of myself.

An early dentist appointment

I had an early dentist appointment ... a filling cracked or something. I've been miserable for about a week. More decaying I guess. If it's not drooping or drying up, it's cracking and falling out/off. I really do not like this side of the hill.

Another thing I noticed today was that I have this chin/cheek quivering thing going on when I'm in the dentist's chair. I've been noticing it for quite a few years now, but this morning was pretty bad. It's just another sign of the times I guess.

Made it through day 2

Whew, I made it through another day. I didn't eat junk food. I had good meals. I'm not looking to DIET per se. I don't really believe in them. I want to eat reasonably for me and see where that takes me. I stumbled onto this page the other day ...

http://www.dietbites.com/Pyramid-Diet/example-1800-calorie-diet.html

It gives a general guideline for what to eat in a day to be consuming approximately 1800 calories a day. 1.5 cups of fruits, 2.5 cups of vegetables, 6 ounces of grains, 5 ounces of meats/beans, 3 cups of milk, 5 teaspoons of oils and allow 195 discretionary calories in a day.

This kind of guideline stands a chance of working for me. I have tried keeping food logs and counting calories and fat grams, etc. It just became such a burden that I stopped doing it. And I am not going to count calories for the rest of my life. I just want to live my life. And those guidelines are do-able for me. And it helps remind me of portions.

The other thing that I decided to experiment with is making frozen yogurt and/or ice cream. Sugar free, low fat frozen yogurt and ice cream. We like to have dessert so I wanted to find something that wouldn't be tooooo bad. I got a yogurt/ice cream maker for Christmas so tonight was the test run. The trick is to find something that provides the structure of the sugar since I want to use stevia or splenda as the sweetener. I used gelatin. It almost worked. It came out the consistency of a Wendy's Frosty. :-) Maybe some time in the freezer will help that. But the taste was good and it does satisfy the desire for a dessert.

So far, nothing has been a burden. I am thinking of snacking as I sit here. I guess it's time for some Wii tennis or bowling to take my mind off of it.

Today is harder

I'm feeling hungry this afternoon. Lunch just isn't doing it today and I actually had a good lunch, so I have no reason to be hungry. It's probably partly because I'm a little bored. I did take a walk after lunch. I found a hallway in the basement of the building that hardly anyone uses. I can walk up and down the hall and every other lap, climb a flight of stairs and go back down. It's not as pleasant as walking outside in nice weather, but given the temperature, I'm kinda liking the hall and stairwell.

I also found a scale that the receiving department uses. It's really big and it's really accurate. Maybe that wasn't such a great find afterall. Anyway, I have a place to walk each day again and I have a good scale to monitor progress.

Do I sound enthusiastic? Actually, at this moment I am. I hope I can keep it going.

Still trying ...

Well, as you can tell from the gap between posting dates, I did not successfully end my pity party. I used to NEVER skip workouts, but now I do. I used to not snack constantly, but now I do. I say I care, but actions say I don't. And I WANT to care, but I am really struggling with caring because I know I'm in decay mode so it doesn't really matter what I do.

Now I know "decay mode" sounds really severe, but that's where my head has been. So, I'm trying to act like I care about myself and maybe, at some point, I will again. Don't get me wrong. I do care about myself. I'm not jumping off a bridge or anything. But I have stopped taking care of myself like I used to.

One thing I'm trying is to find something that makes exercising fun again. I'm a jogger with bad knees, and now I'm fat too, so that's not happening. I'm tired of step aerobics and nordic track and exercise bikes. Some friends came over this past week and brought their new Wii with them. My husband HATES games, but her husband wouldn't take no for an answer so we all played ... just the basic games. And IT WAS FUN! Even Jay had fun. And I noticed that I was breathing a little heavy. hmmmm. So I went out and got a Wii. The other thing I did was get DDR (Dance Revolution game). I saw it years ago and was really interested, so I'm going to try it. So I'm hoping that maybe the Wii will re-invigorate my workouts.

So, I'm trying. I ate well yesterday and worked out. So I have successfully completed 1 day of caring. I'm on my 2nd day. I work out hard in the mornings, and I've been playing some sort of Wii game in the evening just so I'm not a total couch potato after work. My husband and I ride our bikes when the weather is nice, but that's not happening for a few months now. So Wii tennis or boxing is filling in for riding my bike. And, I don't feel like snacking as much ... I'm not sitting on my recliner staring at a dumb TV show watching commercials about food.

A whole day and a half of "I care". I'll just keep taking it one day at a time and see if I can't loose some of this pity weight and improve my mental outlook.