Made it through the holidays. Not unscathed, but I made it. I do miss mom and I do think about life without Zena. But there's nothing that can be done about either loss -- one behind me and one lies ahead.
I've been struggling a LOT with my tinnitus. It's worse. But I also think my tolerance is lower. There's just been so much to deal with this past year. I had found something that helped ... Ambien. But regulations on Ambien don't take tinnitus into account. So, I did more googling and found that l-theanine is readily available in sleep aids and, since it's something our bodies need and get from food sources (proteins), it's not harmful. So I gave it a try. It's not as helpful as Ambien, but it does help. So it will help me stretch out the Ambien.
It seems to have lowered my stress levels a little. I've jumped back into paperwork to settle mom's estate. We had Eli spend the night -- we haven't had him over since we learned about Zena's tumor and had the surgery to remove it. So we're trying to get back to some sort of normal.
I'll visit my sisters next Friday night. We're preparing for our normal girls' weekend in May. That will be so strange. It will be our first girls' weekend without mom. That dawned on me today. What will that be like? I'm trying not to think about it because I was starting to do so well. But it's there, lurking in the back of my mind.
One foot in front of the other. I keep trying to focus on that. Don't let the tinnitus get me down. Don't let Zena's looming death get me down. Don't let loosing mom get me down. Do the estate paperwork. Focus on one thing at a time and, before I know it, time will have passed.
It sounds good.
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