Mother’s day is this Sunday. It dawns on me that I’ll never buy a Mother’s Day Card again. That realization made me very sad … like so many other realizations have made me feel lately.
I know I’m stating the obvious, but I miss mom terribly. I can’t stop looking at photos of her. I especially like the ones where I/we caught her unaware because it’s like I'm watching her from across the room. And I especially like the ones of mom with my daughter. There’s my universe, right there.
It’s still unbelievable to me that I’ll never hear her voice or get a hug from her again. I know people don’t live forever and mom was 85. But KNOWING that someone will die one day and then realizing that it means never hearing their voice or touching them again … well, that’s just different somehow. It leaves you feeling lonely even though you are around the same people you were around before.
So Mother’s Day will be the first of the firsts for this coming year. The first 12 months after you loose someone. The first birthday. The first Thanksgiving. The first Christmas. Isn’t it appropriate that our first, first is Mother’s Day. She was an awesome mom. And she was our friend. We just loved being with her.
I’m not sleeping well. I either wake up a lot or I dream a lot. I’m hoping that that eventually subsides and goes away. I mope a lot. I can still joke with friends and function. But I do find myself having to push myself to do things like working out. I’d rather just sit and mope. It’s hard.
I miss my mom. I will always miss my mom.
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