One day at a time

I'm still plugging along. Eating less bread (a lot less bread). Not snacking (mostly). Exercising daily. Remember, I'm not on a diet per se. I've adjusted/corrected my eating habits. I've lost about 16 lbs and it hasn't been bad. This week has been more difficult because my "why am I doing this" attitude tried to come back. I guess I'm going to always struggle with that. I didn't used to, but I think this side of the hill makes those thoughts inevitable. But I keep telling myself that even though I won't be a size 8, I am already feeling better and that's worth a lot.

It's disappointing that no one can tell that I've lost weight, but I definitely notice. I no longer feel like I'm going to explode out of my slacks and I'm able to wear some pants that I had to stop wearing. And I guess that explains why no one can tell ... I'm wearing the same clothes. I haven't lost enough to drop a size, I'm just able to wear my existing clothes again and not feel terrified of an embarrassing moment, but they are definitely loose now. So I have to stay focussed on the positive.

I'm still fighting the perpetual cough. All the various medications that have been prescribed have helped, but it hasn't gone away. I've been coughing more this week and it's frustrating my husband because he went out and bought better filters for the house vents and a couple of air purifiers to help reduce the pet dander, and I seem to be coughing more this week. I can't explain it.

I decided to try a home-grown remedy since modern science isn't quite doing the job. I got some apple cider vinegar and fresh, local honey to mix with hot water and sip in the morning and evening in an effort to get rid of it. We'll see how it goes. It won't hurt and, who knows, it might help. It's a generally good-for-you kinda of tonic anyway, so what the hell.

So I continue to fight the loosing battle of the wrong side of the bell curve. The positive results give me the illusion that I'm winning the battle. I know there's no way to WIN the battle. Aging is aging ... no getting around it. So, even though I can't change that fact, I can make the journey less miserable. That's all any of us can do. So in that sense, I guess I'm winning. :-)

A new reason to hate getting older

I got a call from the doctor who is trying to figure out why I've been coughing for almost 5 months now. Though I've always suspected that I am somewhat bothered by pet dander, he confirmed it. Apparently, I'm not just somewhat bothered ... I'm downright allergic. Well, I have a dog a four cats, so what's a girl to do?

This is something I've grown into. I was tested for general allergic reactions several years ago and all the patch tests came back negative or barely sensitive. Now, I'm highly reactive. That stinks. Bottom line, none of the animals are going anywhere. I guess I just have to take more drugs to control it. We won't get any more animals, but we won't get rid of any that we have either.

One step forward ... two steps back. The way it was explained to me is that allergies are cumulative. I was bothered by the pet dander but it wasn't that bad. Then I got that really bad case of bronchitis and I guess that was just more than my respiratory system could handle. And, the allergies make it really difficult to get completely over the bronchitis. Oh joy.

I'm not going to use this as an excuse to give up on my renewed workout routine and eating habits. My clothes are fitting better again -- I'm not afraid of washing my pants anymore. And I just generally feel better; or as better as I can feel; which is the result of loosing 15 pounds, I'm sure. So, no giving up because of another physical issue.

Ahhhhhh ... Sunshine

Yesterday looked like the end of the world and today looked like the beginning. We shoveled out the driveway early and it was a beautiful sunny day and the sunshine did the rest. The roads are in decent shape, so I'll be able to go to work again tomorrow. Yay?

It dawned on me today that I haven't played Wii tennis since all this shoveling of snow began. I was too sore to play for a while, but then I just forgot about it. My husband doesn't really like playing, so I wait for him to go to bed and then I play for a while before I go to bed. I think tonight is a good Wii night.

I'm not feeling as hungry tonight which is good. I wish I knew why sometimes I feel hungry/deprived and other times (not as often), I'm ok. Maybe it's just going to take more time. For the most part though, I'm pretty comfortable with what I'm doing. It's not rocket science, it's just not any fun. I'm so envious of those skinny girls who seem to be able to eat whatever they want and stay skinny. Oh well. As my mother would say ... "everything works, doesn't it?". And she's right. But I want it to work as well as possible and that's what this whole effort is about.

NO MORE SNOW!

Today was the 2nd blizzard and 3rd big snow storm we've had in 3 weeks. It's insane. I can't believe we have to dig out AGAIN. The previous 2 storms happened on the weekend so we had Sunday to dig out, but today is Wednesday and looking out the front window, it doesn't look like I'll make it in to the office tomorrow. We have a few hours of digging to do first. Hopefully, they will allow me to telecommute. If not, then I'll have to take a vacation day.

As for my "I care" attitude, I think I'm actually starting to really care again. I haven't skipped workouts and I have continued to not eat as much bread, etc. And I have lost about 12 pounds which is awesome. I'm hoping that my weight continues to go down. Since I'm not really dieting, I don't expect to loose all the weight that I'm sure I SHOULD loose, but I'm no longer afraid to wash my pants. Seriously, my pants were so tight that I dreaded washing them. And that's a pretty good feeling.

In spite of all this goodness, I still feel deprived in the evening. Night time continues to be the hardest for me. I'm fine all day long, but when I come home, I'm hungry all the time. I guess that tells me how much I must have been snacking even though I didn't think I was. How can you eat like that and not be aware of it?

Anyway, I better get some sleep because there is more shoveling in my future ... I just don't know if I have to do it after "work" or if I have all day long to work on it. Sigh.

And the coughing continues

I had an appointment with a pulmonologist today. Actually, I really liked him. He's a straight forward, no nonsense kind of doctor and I like that. It appears that I have another one of those "we don't know what causes it and we don't know exactly how to cure it, but we have several guesses to try and make it better" things. So now, in addition to high blood pressure, tinnitus and TMJ, I have obstructed airways. Great.

So he prescribed inhaler type number 4 and a prescription for a different kind of nasal spray and we'll see how it goes for the next 2 weeks. The cornerstones of chronic cough are post nasal drip, esophageal reflux and asthma. So they're treating the asthma-like symptoms.

One piece of good news, my blood pressure was awesome! My doctor added norvasc to the lisinopril that I was taking because the lisinopril wasn't getting the job done anymore. So, of course, the pulmonologist wants me to stop taking the lisinopril because a common side effect is coughing. But that's normally a dry, tickle kind of cough which is not what my cough is at all. He still wants me to stop taking it for a while just to eliminate it as a factor. So, my blood pressure will like go up again, but it's just for a few weeks, then I can go back on it -- or change to another medication if it turns out that it is the medication.

I'm trying really hard to say it's worth caring enough to take good care of myself and then this -- 2 steps forward, 1 step back. I just can't win. I'm having a huge craving to sit down and snack my brains out. Eat right. Exercise hard. Die anyway. I better go to bed. Sleep not eat.

Snow, snow, snow

I am so sick of snow! I thought we wouldn't ever need our snow shovels again after moving to the eastern shore. WRONG! It was a good thing that Jay can't throw anything away because our snow shovels were put back into service this past weekend. We got over 10 inches of snow which is VERY unusual here. Jay's mom was visiting and got snowed in in her vacation home nearby, so after I cleared our driveway, we headed over to her house to dig her out too. I think I made up for a week of no workouts.

It was Jay's birthday on Saturday, but the winter storm kept us in. Our friends who own a restaurant felt bad that they closed the restaurant because of the snow on Jay's birthday and brought us over fixings for our favorite dinners on Sunday, so he still had a fantastic Adolfo's dinner -- minus the wonderful service. But I still owe him a dinner out. Maybe this coming weekend -- though they are calling for more miserable winter weather this weekend. Spring ... where are you!?

It was nice to get back to working out again this morning. I'm still coughing. I go to the doctor for another test tomorrow. I hope they see something that explains all this stinking coughing. Plus my blood pressure doesn't want to be managed -- it's still high even though the doctor added another medication. So I guess we'll have to do more experimenting to find what will work. Blah blah blah. Fighting the urge to say to hell with everything again. I'm feeling better with my little 10 lb weight loss though, so I guess I'll keep my focus. It's still hard though.