Started out slow ...

I woke up this morning feeling less than inspired. Not feeling the "I care" mojo. I dragged myself out of bed and fed the dog and then tried a new workout ... and I really liked it.

I recently picked up a new exercised DVD (while waiting for my Wii Dance Revolution to arrive). It's a Denise Austin video. Now, I've never been a Denise fan ... she's just too perky/happy. But the reviews I read sounded good, so I got it. And the reviewers were right! I think I'll be incorporating this DVD into my weekly routines even after DDR gets here. It's called Denise Austin's Bootcamp and I highly recommend it.

I'm 57 and overweight and trying to end a streak of self-pity about getting older -- which I can't stop. The Wii is helping by offering up a new and fun way of working out via the interactive games. And I think this video will fit into my new "cross training" routine nicely. I know that I will feel better once I really get going and I'm hoping that feeling better will also help my mental outlook.

This past year has been a pathetic slump. Other people manage to age without becoming total loosers. I should be able to do it too. I've never been a quitter, so I guess I just didn't know how to handle the new attitude. So I just kept eating butter bread and playing solitaire games on my laptop and watched TV. What a picture I must have made.

Right now the new attitude is forced. I'm not REALLY feeling the love. But hopefully, walking the walk and talking the talk will turn me around and I'll really get back in the groove.

I played 30 minutes of Wii tennis last night which was fun. Masocistic, but fun -- I loose a lot. Hopefully, all this activity will wake up my body and metabolism and I'll get rid of some of this butter bread fat that I've packed on.

Not as good as yesterday, but not bad

I did my exercising and I didn't pig out, but I did indulge a bit today. Corn fritters in the cafeteria at work were calling me and a couple of glasses of wine this evening. But, on the bright side, I didn't snack on everything when I got home which is what I've come to do.

I went to the dentist this morning. The tooth is still sensitive, but it's not painful, so that's a good thing. I'll give it a couple of days to see if the new filling really fixed the problem. But at least it's better.

I hope I can stay on track with my new attitude. I really don't like where my head has been this past year. Torn between wanting to feel better and learning to deal with this ever changing (and not in a good way) body. Finger nails that split for no reason, how easily I get injuries. I've noticed that my multi-tasking abilities aren't as good as they used to be. Things like that.

Anyway, day 3 is down and I'm maintaining my good outlook and doing well on taking care of myself.

An early dentist appointment

I had an early dentist appointment ... a filling cracked or something. I've been miserable for about a week. More decaying I guess. If it's not drooping or drying up, it's cracking and falling out/off. I really do not like this side of the hill.

Another thing I noticed today was that I have this chin/cheek quivering thing going on when I'm in the dentist's chair. I've been noticing it for quite a few years now, but this morning was pretty bad. It's just another sign of the times I guess.

Made it through day 2

Whew, I made it through another day. I didn't eat junk food. I had good meals. I'm not looking to DIET per se. I don't really believe in them. I want to eat reasonably for me and see where that takes me. I stumbled onto this page the other day ...

http://www.dietbites.com/Pyramid-Diet/example-1800-calorie-diet.html

It gives a general guideline for what to eat in a day to be consuming approximately 1800 calories a day. 1.5 cups of fruits, 2.5 cups of vegetables, 6 ounces of grains, 5 ounces of meats/beans, 3 cups of milk, 5 teaspoons of oils and allow 195 discretionary calories in a day.

This kind of guideline stands a chance of working for me. I have tried keeping food logs and counting calories and fat grams, etc. It just became such a burden that I stopped doing it. And I am not going to count calories for the rest of my life. I just want to live my life. And those guidelines are do-able for me. And it helps remind me of portions.

The other thing that I decided to experiment with is making frozen yogurt and/or ice cream. Sugar free, low fat frozen yogurt and ice cream. We like to have dessert so I wanted to find something that wouldn't be tooooo bad. I got a yogurt/ice cream maker for Christmas so tonight was the test run. The trick is to find something that provides the structure of the sugar since I want to use stevia or splenda as the sweetener. I used gelatin. It almost worked. It came out the consistency of a Wendy's Frosty. :-) Maybe some time in the freezer will help that. But the taste was good and it does satisfy the desire for a dessert.

So far, nothing has been a burden. I am thinking of snacking as I sit here. I guess it's time for some Wii tennis or bowling to take my mind off of it.

Today is harder

I'm feeling hungry this afternoon. Lunch just isn't doing it today and I actually had a good lunch, so I have no reason to be hungry. It's probably partly because I'm a little bored. I did take a walk after lunch. I found a hallway in the basement of the building that hardly anyone uses. I can walk up and down the hall and every other lap, climb a flight of stairs and go back down. It's not as pleasant as walking outside in nice weather, but given the temperature, I'm kinda liking the hall and stairwell.

I also found a scale that the receiving department uses. It's really big and it's really accurate. Maybe that wasn't such a great find afterall. Anyway, I have a place to walk each day again and I have a good scale to monitor progress.

Do I sound enthusiastic? Actually, at this moment I am. I hope I can keep it going.

Still trying ...

Well, as you can tell from the gap between posting dates, I did not successfully end my pity party. I used to NEVER skip workouts, but now I do. I used to not snack constantly, but now I do. I say I care, but actions say I don't. And I WANT to care, but I am really struggling with caring because I know I'm in decay mode so it doesn't really matter what I do.

Now I know "decay mode" sounds really severe, but that's where my head has been. So, I'm trying to act like I care about myself and maybe, at some point, I will again. Don't get me wrong. I do care about myself. I'm not jumping off a bridge or anything. But I have stopped taking care of myself like I used to.

One thing I'm trying is to find something that makes exercising fun again. I'm a jogger with bad knees, and now I'm fat too, so that's not happening. I'm tired of step aerobics and nordic track and exercise bikes. Some friends came over this past week and brought their new Wii with them. My husband HATES games, but her husband wouldn't take no for an answer so we all played ... just the basic games. And IT WAS FUN! Even Jay had fun. And I noticed that I was breathing a little heavy. hmmmm. So I went out and got a Wii. The other thing I did was get DDR (Dance Revolution game). I saw it years ago and was really interested, so I'm going to try it. So I'm hoping that maybe the Wii will re-invigorate my workouts.

So, I'm trying. I ate well yesterday and worked out. So I have successfully completed 1 day of caring. I'm on my 2nd day. I work out hard in the mornings, and I've been playing some sort of Wii game in the evening just so I'm not a total couch potato after work. My husband and I ride our bikes when the weather is nice, but that's not happening for a few months now. So Wii tennis or boxing is filling in for riding my bike. And, I don't feel like snacking as much ... I'm not sitting on my recliner staring at a dumb TV show watching commercials about food.

A whole day and a half of "I care". I'll just keep taking it one day at a time and see if I can't loose some of this pity weight and improve my mental outlook.

On the downhill side

It dawned on me recently that the old "bell curve" comes into our lives off and on. In school, we obsess about the bell curve and our grades. And as I've gotten older, I am again faced with the bell curve, but now it's called "the hill" and I'm on the wrong side.

It's really odd when you realize that you're past your peak. You spend your life trying to grow, change, improve. You work to improve your lifestyle, your looks, your job, whatever. And you can improve these things. Then, all of a sudden, you realize that you will never be quite as good as you are today. You're over the hill and today is as good as you'll ever be again.

I know that sounds depressing. It is depressing. I'm not doing anything different, yet I'm not in as good of shape as I was just 5 years ago. I injure myself now and don't know how it happened. My skin is changing. Everything is changing and the changes aren't good anymore.

So, how do we move from day to day in this new world order? What goals do we have? How do we feel useful? What makes us want to get up in the morning? It's hard. It's so easy to be swept away by these changes and just sit down and act old.

Last May I injured my right knee. I don't know how. I didn't take up rock climbing or anything. I stopped jogging a few years ago because I kept having to take a break because a knee was bothering me or something. I think I do a good mix of cross training with weights and step and pilates and nordic trak, etc. But it took 6 months before I could resume normal activity and workouts. 6 months! And I don't know what I did!

So, I guess this is my new reality. So what's my point? My point is that this stinks and you have to work to keep yourself motivated and interested in life and to enjoy yourself. It's way too easy to have a big pity party and just slide down the wrong side of the bell curve.